Whinge

November 23, 2007

Why AFL Jerseys Need Names

So that somebody can set up a local version of this site.

The only problem is that nobody here (with the possible exception of, err, me) wears a disturbingly random number on their jumper.

I'm sure as hell there's somebody out there in either a 1996, #7 Robbie Ah Mat Collingwood jumper or an original Fremantle Dockers spew green #31 Leigh Wardell-Johnson. And god damn it I want to see it.

(P.S - A recap of my all-time jumper number shenanigans,

#54 - Brent Heaver
#31 - Rod Keogh
#13 - Allen Jakovich
#1 - Jamie Shanahan
#28 - Phil Read)

Posted by Supermercado at 05:51 PM | Comments (0)

April 21, 2007

Worse than heroin

Those Collingwood bastards did us by a point
The day mother died.
When they told dad he shook his head and said,
"Makes you wanna cry."
Winmar, you're a football genius, and, oh,
Let me tell you son,
Remember my old man 'cos he wasn't
Referring to mum." - Father and Son by TISM

According to the fucked in the head ever helpful AFL website it's just 37.5 hours until Melbourne plays Fremantle. And I've officially never been less enthused by a game in my life. So why will I be there anyway? Because I'm ill - so seriously ill.

Let's get into classical theatre instead. Then we can write abusive things about the Bell Shakespeare Company on the internet and sit in the audience of amateur theatre and heckle poor casting choices. "YOU'RE NOT A JET'S ARSEHOLE YOU CRUNT - GET OFF" @ the Ringwood SC Year 8 production of West Side Story etc..

Actually I think, shamefully (), that I secretly love it. When you can rationalise your whole week being ruined by a directionless forward line and talentless backline just days after god knows how many people were either shot or blown up all around the world then you're probably onto something.

God forbid Melbourne ever win a flag I'd like to request that the elusive extinction level event comet give me a few days of glory and then blow us all to buggery. This turn of events may not sit well with the rest of you but at this point I'd like to remind you that I'm an only child and care not for others.

Until then raise a glass to slops and ask yourself just why so many allegedly normal people lose it at the sight of 44 idiots chasing a red ball around in front of 30,000 morons.

Posted by Supermercado at 12:38 AM | Comments (1)

August 30, 2005

You go to hell and you die

And I thought the Big Footy forums were the internet's home of MFC related illiteracy, ignorance and all around stupidity. But thanks to reader Kazunary, who sent this link in I think we've just found a new champion.

A short summary of the discussion.

"GoDons!" - did allen jakovich die? ??/?
"Deesrule" - What the fark?
"iluvsteviearmstrong" - not that I know of
"godees3434" - go in to google and type his name and u will get the answer, sort off.
"demondude" - hu's allen jackovich is he related to jackovich from the eagles????

TAKE THE WORD DEMON OUT OF YOUR NAME! YOU'RE A DISGRACE! YOU MUST BE AT LEAST 10 YEARS OLD TO UTTER THE GREAT MAN'S NAME ON THE INTERNET. Even if you have no idea who he is.

Disgraceful that the new generation have no idea about the feats of this great man.

Posted by Supermercado at 01:30 AM | Comments (2)

June 21, 2005

Have you noticed?

Read BigFooty recently? You'd better say yes - after all they OWN this page. Noticed anything interesting about it? I have. Suddenly after years of being ignored by pretty much everyone, the Melbourne Football Club has suddenly become the flavor of the month for every 16-year-old, semi-literate, forum trolling, habitual masturbator in the country.

Witness, for instance, the following. Summaries provided to stop you having to read the whole thing,

Clint Bizzell is... (Bizzell is soft. Thank god Geelong ditched him. No mention of whether or not they think Kent Kingsley is actually a footballer)
Brad Miller.. Do you know where the goals are?? (You can't play CHF unless you kick goals. If you take 20 marks and win by 10 goals you are still a dud)
Brad Miller? Grossly overrated... (Same author as the Bizzell thread. Even cops it from his fellow Geelong fans for being a complete plank)
Why Melbourne's performance today mirrors their true selves and why they're nothing (Guess who? Just buy a membership already)
In true Dreamon tradition.Cough,Splutter,Choke,Pop (Somebody else for once. True comedy moments included "Brick" McLean and Colin "Bronzia". Absolutely farcical attempt at humor.)
That is ******** weak Melbourne fans (We have no fans. We're a disgrace etc..)
Melbourne- no chance for the flag at all (From a Collingwood fan. Clearly an expert on the subject)
Yze - flat track bully & cheat (Another Pie rocket scientist. Basic point being that he can't play against any side that isn't rubbish)

Look back far enough and you'll find "Melbourne are finished!", "Neitz is a thug!", "Green is a pansy!", "Sylvia is rubbish!" etc.. "You voted to merge!", "You are going to merge!" It's all there. You can't go more than a page without running into it.

Ladies, and gentlemen. Hail the birth of

THE MELBOURNE COMPLEX.

They can't stop talking about us. Everything we do is big news to them. Their entire lives revolve around waiting for us to fuck up so they can strike another blow across the internet for whatever pointless cause they're fighting. We know we've got no fans and we know we've spent forty years being mediocre at the best of times. Why bother? You can almost understand some of the Geelong fans having a complex - after all they're one of the few who haven't won anything for as long (or longer) than us - and until a few years ago were as deeply financially ruined as us. But then you realise that most Cats fans are sane and rational people and see that the complex doesn't have any particular team loyalties. It's right across the spectrum of Victorian based teams. What did we do? Where does the complex come from?

Suddenly we're even copping it on our board. As the Eagles fans dropped by to have their say in a respectful manner (and you've got to pay credit to that). Suddenly we were swamped by a pair of Richmond clowns, (Let's call them R1 and R2), another pissweak anti-Yze thread by another Collingwood fan, and from our old nemesis "Linga45" (see half the above posts) probably the worst tactic ever employed in a supposedly "insulting" thread. I give you the poem heard around the world. Type "acrostic" into google - the first result is "Acrostics for Children". Need we say anymore? Well, yes in fact. M apparently stands for "Mass terrible". Top start. Doesn't get much better.

Of course we can hazard a guess as to where this outpouring of emotion comes from. Whenever we win a game you can be sure that there are going to be 13 threads about how great we are, how we're going to win the flag and how N. Daniher should be elected as Pope. And whoever the mysterious Yze_Magic was they've gone down in history for being the most annoying MFC 'supporter' in history. Can't shake the feeling that it was somebody from another club (possibly one of the Complexed masses) doing a gimmick to make us look shambolic. Worked a treat.

So.. I'm calling for a boycott. Let the clowns write whatever they want - just don't reply. In an ideal world a 10 page thread of people hammering us and justifying their sad lives will go unchallenged. You can't argue with a complexed person. Sanity and rational argument don't come into it. One day we'll win a flag (I shake to even think of it) and there will still be hundreds of these trashbags writing threads about how awful we are and how Travis Johnstone should be burnt at the stake. So from now on I'm OUT. I invite you to join in. Your blood pressure will thank me. Read the threads - laugh out loud at the outrageous spelling errors and complete inability to differentiate between 'their', 'they're' and 'there' - just don't feed the trolls. Unless you're feeding them intravenously after smashing their teeth in with a 3 Iron.

Posted by Supermercado at 11:38 PM | Comments (3)