Club News

March 11, 2008

Law and Order: MFC Unit

NOT GUILTY!

MELBOURNE'S Russell Robertson and Carlton's Marc Murphy have been cleared by the AFL Match Review Panel of any offences in weekend pre-season matches.

After assessing two incidents today, the panel ruled no charges would be laid against the players.

Robertson was reported in Saturday's NAB Challenge match against North Melbourne after high contact was made with North Melbourne's Andrew Swallow.

The panel said that as Swallow fumbled and ran over the top of the ball, Robertson came in from the side in an attempt to retrieve the ball and contact was made.

During the action, the panel said Robertson was watching the ball at all times and did not turn sideways to bump Swallow.

Cheers to there only being one shonky Channel Seven camera at the game. He's gotten away with it two weeks in a row - if we have luck like that throughout the season we might win two games.

Well, the second half of our forward line is cleared. Thank god for that, now we can concentrate on some of the few shining lights of our pre-season campaign. Hey, I hear that much maligned Colin Sylvia fellow has been playing well. Hold on a minute, what's that?

GUILTY!

Shit!

MELBOURNE has been rocked by another off-field indiscretion, with forward Colin Sylvia suspended for the club's Round 1 clash with Hawthorn.

The Demons' leadership smacked Sylvia with a one-match ban and a $5000 fine today after the 22-year-old broke a 1am curfew and failed to turn up to a compulsory recovery session.

It comes a week after Melbourne skipper David Neitz announced the players had imposed a 1am limit on attending bars and nightclubs.

Sylvia, the No. 3 pick in the 2003 draft, was one of the club's form players leading into the season opener and his loss is a savage blow to the injury-depleted Demons.

Neitz said tonight he was disappointed Sylvia had let the club down on the eve of its 150th season.

"This is disappointing for Colin and the playing group," Neitz said.

At least when the entire West Coast list were making dicks of themselves, admittedly in a more serious fashion, they had success to look back on. We're running the risk of finishing bottom and having half our squad on parole.

My theory is that he knew he should have been suspended for this,

so he didn't show up to the session to make up for it. Sucked in with the $5k fine though - that's one night's worth of drinks at Motel.

Posted by Supermercado at 10:30 PM | Comments (0)

January 30, 2008

While You Were Sleeping

So, what happened since the last real post? Just a few delistings, a national draft, a cowardly explanation for ditching your boyhood club by a money hungry crunt, a new coach and the emergence of the Brock McLean/Nathan Carroll tag team which rampaged it's way across Europe.

So, I promised that this off-season I wouldn't let Demonblog die in the arse. Then I did. So what, "Don't Trust Anyone", that's what I always say. It's not as if anyone is actually reading anyway.

So, to fill in my thoughts on everything that's happened.

Bailey
I like him. Anyone who can knock over the likes of Kevin Sheedy after applying via a newspaper must have some sort of X Factor. Of course he's dealing with the most tragic, wrist slashingly awful club this side of St. Kilda so that might count for bugger all. I'm optimistic, even if this season still promises to be depressingly naff.

Delistings
Nothing out of the ordinary there. Personally I'm still getting over Philthy's 2007 exit. Actually that's a complete lie, I'm actually still not over Allen Jakovich going.

Trade Week
Goodbye Travis Johnstone? Well I think everyone knows that I wasn't the biggest TJ fan around so I'm not exactly shattered to see him go. You can't wait forever for somebody to fulfill potential, no matter how limitless it seems to be. More surprising to me is the fact that Sydney were gagging to trade for Brad Miller and we refused them. Then he goes and ends up in the leadership group. That guy must have the biggest set of compromising photos since Luke Williams. It will be VERY interesting to see what happens with him this year.

John Meesen? Well we gave up all of pick 37 for him - so it doesn't really matter if he's a bust does it?

Draft
Very happy with this one. All of Morton, Grimes and Maric sound good and Cheney doesn't look too bad either. Then in the rookie draft we've got the new Aaron Davey in Wonaeamirri, and somebody who is called ZOMGer so there should be plenty of novelty value there.

Discipline
Did anyone else find it ironic that after fighting around the world a'la Russell Crowe alongside him that Brock McLean was part of the leadership group who suspended Nathan Carroll for misbehaving? Sucked in Chopper! Wait, what do you mean we have fark all other tall defenders because Rivers will get hurt five minutes into the season again? Shit.

Prospects for 2008
10th. Not bad enough to get embarassed. Not good enough to do more than put in token contention for the 8. If Neitz goes down up front we're in more trouble than the early settlers (pending a Juice Newton led recovery), and the backline is still as shaky as buggery. Midfield should be good though.

Allen Jakovich Medal Predictions
In no particular order I'd expect that Jones, McLean and McDonald would run top three with Green challenging. Given that this site is the only one who ever gives votes to defenders I'd expect Rivers (red hot favourite for the Seecamp Medal for defenders) to challenge for bigger honors this year if he stays fit.

Anything else to declare?
Err, see you at Kardinia Park next Saturday? Apparently Geelong are going to play with 1 person on the bench or something so we might even sneak into the second week of the competition.

Posted by Supermercado at 10:11 PM | Comments (0)

January 20, 2008

Hot

The girl isn't bad either.

Welcome to season 2008.

Posted by Supermercado at 10:43 PM | Comments (0)

October 11, 2007

RIP - The Man Who Couldn't Kick

So it's farewell Travis Johnstone.

TJ was like Saddam Hussein. Always threatened to do something interesting, but only ever really let rip once (Gulf War I = 2002). Now Dean Bailey has done his best GWB impersonation and made the decisive move that his predecessor was unwilling to. Whether it ends up as big of a farce as the second Iraqi excursion is anyone's guess.

If he's a raging success in Brisbane good luck to him. I'd rather see our ex-players playing well than anyone else. Brace yourself, though, for the sort of "I'm never buying a membership again" wankathon that followed the Woewodin trade. How exactly did that end up hurting us in the end? You can question the fact that we payed them for him to play, but the player trade side of it never did us any harm. The club is bigger than any player - we will endure no matter who they sack, and anyone who walks just because somebody has been traded is obviously a tip rat anyway.

It's a good move. I support it. The only problem is the fact that even though Sydney are crawling all over him we've gone and declared Brad Miller as a required player. The New Junkyard Dog, Dean Bailey, had better have something special in store because I fail to see where Miller hasn't already been played with mediocre results.

P.S - Welcome John Meesen. I wouldn't know who he was if he robbed me in the street, but he's a better person for having signed with us.

Posted by Supermercado at 09:24 PM | Comments (0)

September 06, 2007

Season in Review (Part 2)

HITS
Matthew Bate
Some questions remain, most centering around whether or not he can play as a true CHF, but he showed heart throughout the year and impressed up front kicking 19 goals in as many games. Definately a required player in years to come, but the question of where he will be most effective will be one of the most important for Bailey in the next couple of years.

Daniel Bell
Went from a fringe player to a key member of the defence. Was having a great season before being mowed down by Ben Johnson against Collingwood. In the absence of Nathan Brown next season he will be a crucial cog in an undersized backline.

Nathan Brown
Threw himself around across the last six weeks of the season like somebody who had nothing to lose, and then proved it by retiring after the last game. His skills may have been on the slide but there's nobody who could deny that he wasn't going 110% every time he went near the thing throughout the year. His kamikaze attack on the ball, and his opponents, will be sorely missed.

Lynden Dunn
Unbelievably couldn't get a game at times despite a promising debut season, but showed progress when he did play. Three goals against Fremantle first up was his attacking highlight, but also played a role as a tagger occasionally - most notably when he destroyed Chad Cornes in the second half of our narrow loss to Port Adelaide. An interesting year awaits in '08.

Simon Godfrey
A hundred games into his career, and unlikely to last much longer, but had a respectable season as a tagger. Played a couple of great games, and gave us more than we could possibly have imagined in the pre-season. Also provided a handy punching bag for the likes of Adam Goodes and Scott West throughout the year - he might not have the ball skills but he's obviously a master at annoying people.

Brad Green
Repeatedly talked about by fans when it comes to trade talk, Green had a great year in the midfield, and despite playing the least games of any of his eight AFL seasons rode high in our "Player of the Year" voting for most of the season. The highlight was undoubtedly 37 touches against the Crows, but in the shower of shit that was our season his output was more than respectable.

Nathan Jones
The New Next Big Thing (NNBT) enjoyed third place in the Rising Star award on the back of a sensational season that should see him run top 3 in the B&F in just his second season. Undoubtedly a star of the future, and brings a fury to our midfield that we need if we're any hope of bouncing straight back into the 8 next season. We we wait with interest to see how he will cope with the increased attention that he'll suffer next season.

James McDonald
Star. The most consistent performer in the side, and would be a worthy winner of his second B&F in a row. Never failed to have less than 15 disposals a game, and added two 10+ tackle games to the tally as well. One of the most important players on the list, and probably has two good seasons left in him.

Michael Newton
Ironically for a guy who probably would have been delisted if we'd had a good season the Juice has not only become a first team player but could also take home Mark of the Year. In a team where history has proven that when David Neitz is out we struggle to kick goals we hadn't developed a forward prospect who even moderately looked like replacing him - and we're not saying Newton will play 300 games but he certainly looks like a good goalkicking prospect. With ten games of experience behind him, and a few interesting cameos on the wing, it'll be interesting to see how Juice fits in to Bailey's plans for '08.

Ricky Petterd
Was showing some real class before his near-death experience against Carlton. Nine games into his career there's plenty to suggest that if he can stay clear of deadly scenarios on the field that he'll be a quality player in years to come.

Russell Robertson
Padded his figures with a couple of big bags, but despite playing his least games since 1999 he was a towering presence in our forward line and kicked goals in fourteen of fifteen games. No player is bigger than the club, but if he isn't signed up again then we've got every right to crack the sads.

Paul Wheatley
Still a chance to get the bullet at the end of the year, but reinvigorated his career with a series of slashing performances down back after Mark Riley took over. I'll be very disappointed if he's not retained for 2008. Won the Demonblog Marcus Seecamp Medal for defender of the season despite playing just 14 games.

Jeff White
With no support the big man battled valiantly throughout the year, and was the only player to manage all 22 games. Has a couple more years left in him but will prove a massive hole to fill once he goes.

MISSES
The Fans
An already thin group of supporters jumped off at a million miles the moment it became clear that our bad start to the season wasn't going to be followed with a slashing comeback like the year before. Low points included almost being outdrawn by Freo fans at the MCG, and seeing no more than 20,000 show for Neitz's 300th. Watch the teenyboppers and other assorted swine clamber back on board when we start winning again - presumed to be somewhere around 2011.

Nathan Carroll
I like the guy, and I'm not doubting his intensity but if he's a premiership full back then I'm Ian Turpie. We can't afford to play him against the likes of Matthew Pavlich every week. His disposal isn't bad for a key defender but he needs to be the second line defender rather than the leader of the pack.

Aaron Davey
Here's a controversial one. Kicked 24 goals in 18 games but seems to be treading water in his career. Has been a great player over the last four seasons, but other than a handful of excursions into the centre he has not progressed Got himself suspended in ridiculous fashion against Brisbane in what was his best game of the year, before his hamstring went bang for the third time in four years late on and his season ended prematurely. Isn't going anywhere - and I'm not suggesting he should - but 2008 stands as a massive make-or-break year for Flash.

Ryan Ferguson
Who knows what to think about him. With just 47 games in five years, and without a particuarly memorable one since Rd. 1, 2005 you'd expect that he would have been in trouble had we a better backline. Makeweight status in trades notwithstanding he'll survive due to the lack of available defensive quality.

Mark Jamar
Simply not good enough. Gives away free kicks, handballs into the back of people's heads when he gets them himself, kicks the ball in the wrong direction etc.. Needs to be cut adrift.

Chris Johnson
Showed promise here and there, but after three years and just 21 games his chances must be running out. Might not survive the scrutiny of a new coach.

Paul Johnson
Played 16 games, but is not the backup for White that we need. Better than Jamar but still not the sort of player that is going to lead us anywhere. Wins another year on the list due to a lack of competition but will be playing for his life next year. Tried as a key forward at times and showed signs of life but needs to kick straight and present better if he's going to get anywhere. Ended up at full back during the Carlton game, which could prove a frightening portent of things to come in 2008.

Brad Miller
You've read it all on here a million times. It's not a personal vendetta, he's just not the CHF we need right now. It's all well and good to be waiting for him to breakout but he's played 91 games now and there are no more than a handful of memorable ones amongst them. Despite his major benefactor, ND, having left I expect he'll get another year to prove himself. Has the look and physical attributes to be a star, now all he needs is the smarts.

Brent Moloney
Frustratingly injury prone in the last two seasons. Appears as a 'miss' only because we're all waiting to see him back in his 2005 form. The question is whether it's ever going to happen.

Byron Pickett
Disgraced his legacy in the first half of the season before rehabilitating himself somewhat towards the end of the year. The experiment barely cost us anything over the two years, so you can't call it a failure but after a great second half of the year last season we could have expected more of him this year.

Matthew Warnock
Despite our well documented backline fiascos he doesn't appear to have a future at the club. May be the first player with senior experience to be axed at the end of the year. Played a respectable game against Port Adelaide this year but was then dropped and not seen again.

Adem Yze
Dropped for the first time in years after some rubbish form, and then injured for the first time in years when he returned. Probably past his best but will get another season on the list to prove us wrong. Can still bob up and kick enigmatic goals from the MCG carpark but his days of running riot in the midfield are long gone.

NEITHER HERE NOR THERE

Neale Daniher
He's got to take some shit for the state of our KPP, and the time was right for him to move on, but can you really hold any animosity towards a guy who watched his carefully assembled squad collapse around him at a million miles an hour as the season went on. If you go to work tomorrow and they sit you in front of an Apple IIE you're going to struggle as well so cut the guy some slack. Best of luck in the future, unless you're coaching against us and then I hope you get porked.

Dean Bailey
Has a decent list at his disposal but must be smart with drafting and trading if we're going to have any chance of success in the next couple of years.

Mark Riley
Though the team looked lost at times under his leadership, and his record was feathered with two wins against the loveable losers from Carlton, he still earned himself a respectable coaching record. Was never going to get the senior job on a full time basis but will hopefully play a big support role in the brave new Bailey era.

Clint Bartram
With luck like his he may as well change his name to Lee Walker and be done with it already. After playing 22 in a row to open his career he gets injured in the last game of the season before a finals campaign (remember those?) only to return in round one the next year, have five touches and neck himself for the rest of the season. Showed a lot of promise in his first year, here's hoping that he's not subjected to a career of black death injury plagues.

Clint Bizzell
Couldn't get a game until our season was already destroyed, and was subsequently dropped for another five weeks immediately afterwards. Played like a man who had missed an entire season, but showed enough upon his return to think that he would have at least been a chance to stay on the list for one more year given the relative weakness of our defence. Retired, and we wish him the best for the future.

Jace Bode
Showed some talent in his brief cameo at the end of the season, but with the full squad back next year will struggle for a game. Look forward to seeing him develop.

Cameron Bruce
When he played he was good, not great. Highlight was a 35 touch, 2 goal game against North Melbourne but he never stood out. We may be harsh judges of the game, especially given that we're fatter than a house, but you have to expect more from somebody of his quality. It's a harsh NHNT, but reputation counts in this forum.

Simon Buckley
Played six games, didn't particuarly impress but didn't look awful either. Will be back next year to try and consolidate on what he started this season.

James Frawley
Nine games for four wins, which by my reckoning makes him the most successful players on our list this year. Showed glimpses of form but needs to bulk up if he's going to play as a key defender - also has a frighteningly complex kicking action which you can see going horribly wrong once the opposition start studying it.

Colin Garland
Two games and didn't do anything in either of them, but coincidentally they both happened to be interstate games in which barely any teammates fired a shot either. This one's a work in progress.

Ben Holland
Frustratingly enigmatic he alternated between being completely shit, and a useful member of the squad. Was playing his best football in a Melbourne jumper when that big goof Anthony Rocca sat on him and put him out of action. Is never going to win us a premiership, but in an era when we're struggling for key position players at either end of the field it won't hurt to keep him on the list for one more year. Highlight of the season was probably the Collingwood game where despite committing four quarters of assault on Rocca he got away with it and helped us win.

Travis Johnstone
I'd almost have been tempted to paint him as a "miss" if it wouldn't lead to my house being blown to pieces. Yes, he is silky and yes he does add a 'touch of class' to our side but there is no doubting he has peaked. His touches result in more turnovers than anyone gives him credit for, and despite being handicapped by the traditionally shit kick-in systems we deploy I still cringe every time he goes to kick the ball back in after a behind. I want to see him play for us and become the absolute superstar that he threatened to be a few years ago, but I'm afraid it's not going to happen. If we get the right offer - especially one involving a key position player - I say take it, even if it will lead to the biggest outpouring of shambolic grief since we traded Woewodin. There is NO PLACE FOR SENTIMENT IN FOOTBALL. Are we trying to win a flag or make friends?

Brock McLean
Nobbled by injury just a quarter into the season he showed flashes of brilliance upon his return, but needs to do more next year. With Jones improving at a rapid rate this year and presumably attracting more attention next season the path should clear a bit for Brock to run riot and show us what he's made of. For somebody touted as a future captain he did have a couple of brain explosions throughout the season but there's no doubt that he's 110% behind the club and will be an important part of it for years to come. 2008 promises to be an interesting one.

David Neitz
Physically struggling but still an imposing presence in our squad. Even if he has to be propped in a wheelchair in the goal square, and is only expected to stand up and charge out a couple of times a quarter we're better with him out there but you've got to question how much he's got left in him. Next year is certain, but whether he can make it the full 22 rounds (plus finals? Surely you jest?) is anybody's guess. Had his worst season goal tally since 2000, but if he can stay on the park he's still a valuable cog in the machine. The emergence of Newton will remove the burden somewhat next year, but we can't expect him to turn around and put 50 on the board without a series of remarkable medical breakthroughs.

Heath Neville
No idea. You tell me.

Jared Rivers
Plagued by injury, but looked good when he did play. Despite being a Rising Star award winner he's still criminally underrated by our fans, and his marking in the backline is a feature of his game when he plays. Another one who is primed for a massive 2008 if he stays fit.

Colin Sylvia
Showed a bit, but not what you'd expect from a #3 selection. You wouldn't be entirely adverse to trading him in the right offer came in, but what are you going to get for a high draft pick who has shown little more than glimpses of stardom in four years? Better to persist and hope that he has a breakout season next year. With over 50 games on the board it's time for him to really shine.

Daniel Ward
Skates perilously close to a miss. I've supported him in the past but I think it's time to move on now - having said that I didn't think he was awful this year, but somebody needs to make way for the draft picks and unfortunately for Wardy he doesn't seem to have a huge future, so he might be the one. If he does survive we'd like to see him try and top the ridiculous moustache that he sported in this year's profile picture.

Isaac Weetra
Took Philthy's number. Played as many games this year as his predecessor.

Matthew Whelan
Blighted by injury and played just five games. Another criminally underrated member of our defensive unit who we missed throughout the year. Will hopefully bounce back next season and play a vital role.

Top 5 Highlights of 2008
1. The final siren against Adelaide. One win felt like a Grand Final.
2. Juice Newton's award winning mark.
3. The comprehensive demolition job
4. Yze's goal from Row Z against Fremantle.
5. Robbo's rampage against the Pies, including a goal after the siren when he was having beer cans lobbed at him by bogans.

The lowlights..
1. The loss against North
2. The loss against Port
3. Losing to Richmond after two weeks of wins had started to restore self confidence
4. Brock necking himself in the first quarter of the first game
5. Seeing Daniher's final game snatched from us with six seconds left.

The Wishlist
A FB, CHB, CHF and a speedy midfielder. I'll take two of the four as long as they're both KPP.

Final report
I hate footy. Stay tuned for more throughout the offseason (this time I promise it will happen), and more of the same wrist slashing nihilism in '08.

Posted by Supermercado at 06:38 PM | Comments (1)

June 28, 2007

End of an era

So that's it then. Neale Daniher has resigned, Mark (who?) Riley will take over as coach for the rest of the year, and the new broom that we were all crying out for is on the way. Just who will be wielding the broom is anybody's guess, and as I'm sure my application won't even be considered I've got no insight into the selection process.

Tomorrow night marks the end of an era that began in the 1998 pre-season and took us from some massive highs (Rd 20, 2005 anyone? 2000 prelim? When we porked Adelaide in the 98 finals?) to some desperate lows (Last week? Most of the 2003 season? Scott Chisholm?) with pretty much everything in between.

Notwithstanding the fact that we never won anything, and have been abysmal this season even when our best players are on the park, I will be the first to rise to applaud Daniher at the conclusion of tomorrow night's game. The man has been a wonderful ambassador for our club in the last few years, and I appreciate what he's done even if I haven't always agreed with it. To be honest there might even be a tear in the eye - after all the man's reign has spanned almost my entire modern football watching life. 1998 is still my favourite season ever and Daniher played a massive part of that.

Amazing isn't it - after being 0-9 we won two in a row and even as much as we knew it wasn't going to happen we let our minds wander for a second to a massive winning streak and the greatest comeback of all time. Then with one solitary performance, against a side that despite being six points behind on the ladder was arguably only one massive thrashing away from being our equal so far this year, all the optimism was swept away in a tidal wave of bitterness and recriminations. Everyone knows ND had lost the fans, but I think it's fair to say that everybody was ten times more bitter with him during the 2003 season than they are now - three straight years of finals will do that for you.

Make no mistake this is the best thing for the club. It's like one of those marriages where both parties realise that after years together that it's all gone completely tits up and that it's better to go their seperate ways. Everyone's still friends - they might hook up with other people in the next couple of years but there will be family reunions and they might get together at Christmas. Maybe they'll talk on the phone - who the fuck knows, I'm really starting to struggle now.

Tomorrow night should be a laugh. Remember if you're planning on going that due to Essendon's deal with the Corporate Dome you've got to buy a reserved ticket. Isn't that farcical? I hate the Dome but I wouldn't miss tomorrow night for the world - goodbye ND, we hardly knew ye. Except that we did.

Posted by Supermercado at 05:00 PM | Comments (2)

April 29, 2007

Mark Jamar – The Season That Was

Bartram_Class, possibly the last Melbourne fan left who hasn't cut his wrists, reports in with the latest chapter in our ruck dilemma.

A season that promised so much has so far returned very little for the Big Russian. With Jeff White skiing rather fast downhill, the time was ripe for the Big (and incredibly ugly) Russian to step up and make a name for himself as the Demons marched onwards to September.

5 rounds later, Jamar is being lambasted left, right and centre as the Demons sit rightfully on the bottom of the ladder with the wins column untouched apart from the weekly fucking over it gets from whoever we are playing.

Ah well hes only young I hear you say. Well actually hes 24 and has been in the system for 5/6 years and has pretty much nothing to show for it. His disposal is questionable at best, he has racked up 26 possessions so far this year (Sandilands is averaging 15-20 a game) and has failed to register 10 hit outs in a game.

On Saturday Night, Jamar had a stormer by his 2007 standards, 2 kicks, 1 mark and 1 hit-out in half a game of football. He also stamped his mark in the 3rd quarter when the Demons had a run on and the Russian was paid a free kick 30m out with no angle to speak of. Most will know all too well where the kick ended up but it was a shank Ben Holland would have been proud of.

Why persist with him? If only we knew, to be fair to Daniher, the alternatives aren’t much better. White is looking decidedly greyer with each game and has lost the mobility and leap that made him an All-Australian not too long ago. Paul Johnson is pre-historic in his movement and resorts to crumbing off the taller players, despite being 200cm and 100kg. White is now 30 and will move on either this year or next and leave us rooted unless one of the two come on and come on quick. With 17 losses left this year, I’m not holding out much hope for B1 and B2.

I think its time, Bring Back the Shrek.

Posted by Supermercado at 08:43 PM | Comments (0)

April 26, 2007

Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse

0-4 (0-5 in all but name) and Even Rebel Sport don't know we exist anymore.

Somebody hold me.

(and NO I was not actually trying to buy a "Rib Knit Surf Beanie" when I found that. In fact I wasn't buying anything - support you club and buy direct from them you dogs!)

P.S - Garland and Petterd to debut? Why the fark not. Can't see why they dropped Bizzell and Ward though.

Posted by Supermercado at 07:16 PM | Comments (1)

April 19, 2007

Danners Diary '07

As exclusively revealed* to our own Bartram_Class during the week. Who said Demonblog never gets the big names?

Week Three – v. Geelong @ the MCG

Friday – Team had to be announced, decided to go with Brown, Paul Johnson and Holland. Brown will be useful running the ball out of defence, I do query his use of the ball, kicks the ball a tad bit much but that can be trained out of him. We got 11 holding the ball decisions last week, so its key we arrest that this week, so the inclusion of the three above will help no-end, PJ and I-Robot have got footy brains written all over them and won’t get run down whilst I cant recall the last time Browny has been run down, always seems to have hours when he gets the ball. They have named 4 mobile talls in their forward line, so I’ve balanced that by including 4 immobile talls in our backline, should be a good contest.

Sunday – Good news early on, Nathan Ablett has pulled up in the warm-up, with him gone I see no reason why we can’t win this, until I heard they could replace him with another player, some Selwood kid is in, my sources assure me he is no good. I decided to go in with the three pronged forward line to throw off Bomber and the boys from down south. Jamar will go the square and take Scarlett away from the play, Godfrey will lead out from full-forward, hopefully using his pace and two-footed ability to put some scoreboard pressure on them early. Davey will crumb at their feet, I had Alwyn call him during the week for some advice on how to get himself out of the form slump, hopefully it all works out.

Down back, I’ve instructed the boys to handball at all costs, preferably to a player under a bit of pressure or at worst, kick it to Chopper who will know what to do. We will employ the zonal attack from kick-ins, with 15 players stationary at different parts of the ground, Wheatley will take all kick-ins and has been instructed to touch it to himself, thus allowing him an extra stat, and then handball to the nearest player. Statistics showed West Coast averaged 150 handballs a game last year, using that info, if we can get 100 or so handballs a quarter going, we’ll be three times the team the Eagles are. Worst comes to worse, PJ’s had his contacts from the west bring some ice over so a trip at half time if we happen to be down is on the cards.

Monday – Devastating loss yesterday, despite staging a stirring last quarter comeback, we couldn’t chase down the 11 goal deficit. Was really happy with the running of the ball down back, Holland was fantastic on Hawkins early on and Fergy ran his ass off, I’m worried about his fitness though so I took him off for the next three quarters, he may require a week or two at Sandy before hes back to 100%. Jamar did a great job on Scarlett, keeping him almost touchless. Our handball count was a bit disappointing; Moloney in particular didn’t follow instructions, two times in the first quarter he shot long for goal when there was an easy handball back into traffic available, he was also taken off to think about what he had done. After a stirring half time trip, I told Godders to head to CHF and see what he could do, TJ was in a bit of trouble with a sore hand from the handballing but he decided to play through the pain, just the kind of commitment we are looking for. Recovery down at St. Kilda beach, good turn-out, spirits were nice and high, looking forward to this weekend’s crunch game against fellow premiership candidates Fremantle.

Danner’s Votes

5. Ben Holland
4. Mark Jamar
3. Nathan Brown
2. Ryan Ferguson
1. Jeff White

Handball Watch

18 – Bruce
10 – Godfrey
9 – TJ, Whelan, Yze, Carroll

0 – Moloney (dropped), Ferguson (dropped), Bate (dropped), Bell (no available replacement but would have been dropped)

Thursday – Did the normal round of media interviews, spoke of our determination to improve on last week, there were some pleasing signs but the senior players aren’t leading the way. Miller is terrific with his leading and marking, but we really need him to get back to the Miller circa 2006 where he handballed off to the player running past. Team selection was a tough job, Mark Williams spoke of Bizzell and Petterds good form at Sandy, handball counts were in, Garland wasn’t on the sheet and thus wasn’t considered for selection, the selfish cunt. There were good reviews of Michael Newtons game and after a quick review of who he actually was for my benefit, we decided to let him develop in the VFL for another couple of seasons at least. Byron Pickett should return this week, there was some discussion over whether his weight may be a problem, but the kit man assured me a new jumper would arrive in time and he was in.

(* - Not in the slightest. Don't sue - just win a game you bastards)

Posted by Supermercado at 10:35 PM | Comments (0)

March 30, 2007

Daniel Ward: Portrait of a Dumb Punt

(Welcome to our latest contributor, Big Footy's own, Slander)

The AFL betting scandal got a lot of play over the summer in the media, so let me set the record straight:

I don't care if people or players bet on football matches.

Re. the players - they shouldn't be as stupid as Goodwin, Ward, Hale or Kieran Jack and get caught betting using their account. If they must have a flutter do it through a family member or friend or even I'll waddle down to the Sydney Rd TAB for a minimal fee as the AFL can't stop us and you won't get caught next time - idiots.

I do however think it's a tad hypocritical of the AFL one hand to slam the players who have been betting on matches and on the other wholeheartedly endorse gambling on matches and gambling in general.

I mean if they were serious about having a gambling free culture amongst players why do they have the Brownlow Medal at ****ing Crown Casino?

Why do they bombard the audiovisual media with insufferable ads featuring unwashed bogans telling all and sundry of the joys of Tatts Tipstar 8?

Why does the CEO give his tips in the footy record as well as ABC radio every week?

Basically the above has outlined that the AFL is stupid. What a revelation.

Now to Daniel Ward the MFC's very own dumb punt who got caught in the betting scandal. Once again let me reiterate:

I don't care if people or players bet on football matches.

The reason why I am calling his intelligence into question is that it was revealed that he bet on Melbourne to win. Dumb.

Even the most ardent MFC supporters don't bet on Melbourne because this team is about as volatile as Osama bin Laden himself dropping nuclear weapons into Mt. Stromboli. One week they're kicking the arse of a top 8 contender the next week they play like the Nar Nar Goon under 9's and get rolled over by Carlton. It's like flushing money down the toilet.

Daniel just don't do it again (or don't get caught).

Finally some free advice to Ward or anyone else out there:

. Don't invest shares in Enron or OneTel
. Don't expect to not get a slap in the face, when in a bar if you say: "Nice legs, what time do they open?"
. Don't expect the AFL not to **** around with the rules next year
. Don't expect politicians to tell the truth
. Don't bet on football matches featuring the MFC - God just load up on West Coast at Subi!

Anyway enough of this horse****...

Yours in drivel,

Slander

Posted by Supermercado at 01:32 AM | Comments (0)

October 16, 2006

Dark Days

RIP "Philthy" Phil Read (2004-2006)
34 games, 8 goals

Will forever be remembered for the "if he kicks this I'm never watching football again" goal against Essendon in the '04 finals. At least we have our memories of the Philthy Phil Phaction;

In honor of his footballing demise there will be an official one year moratorium on declaring a new favourite player.

Posted by Supermercado at 11:03 PM | Comments (1)

September 30, 2006

Emo

Pike, Bishop, Jolly, Armstrong

What do these people have in common that pretty much everyone else who has played for us in the last thirty years doesn't?

Yeah.... I hate sports.

Posted by Supermercado at 11:32 PM | Comments (0)

September 25, 2006

Carnival Atmosphere?

Sandringham win the Grand Final? Yeah, but none of our players did their knees or anything right? That's pretty much all that it counts for.

Hold on? What do you mean Philthy won the BOG Award?

WE LOVE THE VFA! BEST COMPETITION EVER!

Posted by Supermercado at 12:07 AM | Comments (3)

September 20, 2006

The 2006 Every Day Is Like Sunday Season Review (Part One)

I'll do the player bit sometime when it's not quarter to three in the morning.

Pre-Season Rd. 1
vs Footscray
Whoops
I thought the game was tomorrow night. I really did. But even with our gimmick lineup we won.

Pre-Season Rd .2
vs Brisbane
For The Tip
And the penalty for losing is a trip to Morwell to see half your team do their knees on a ground that until Friday 5pm was a primary school carpark.

Sanity prevailed and the man we will NEVER EVER REFER TO AS JACK (apart from this time) was given the arse and replaced with the increasingly capable Nathan Carroll.

Pre-Season Rd. 3
vs Adelaide
No Respect
A colossal "fuck you" to whoever is in charge of the mobile phone version of the AFL website. Not only did they decide that tonight's NAB Cup semi-final was between Adelaide and Hawthorn rather than Adelaide and Melbourne, but they then gave the score of the home team to the away team (Hawthorn) thus fooling me briefly, without any access to a tv or radio, into believing we were pissing it in.

Round 1
vs Carlton
No Future
The first quarter was probably the worst game you'll ever see in your life

We, on the other hand, are living in a cycle of recycled players who are past their use-by date, club legends on their last legs and workhorse players whose best days passed them two or three years ago.

Round 2
vs Footscray
Death of A Salesman
As I entered the stadium this afternoon there was a distinct smell of vomit hanging over the place.

Ferguson, however, went off injured with what looked like a broken hand or wrist and that means that if Jared Rivers isn't fit next week then lock up your grandmother because IT'S NICHO TIME

Miller did very little - either he's lost the plot or the opposition have figured him out. One way or the other if he's our captain next year then I'm General Douglas MacArthur and I shall return in about five years when things have really bottomed out.

Round 3
vs Adelaide
I Can Hear The Grass Grow
I live right next door to AFL House and you'd expect that in these circumstances there'd be a repeat of the game where Fitzroy got robbed against Adelaide and their fans spraypainted the place with slogans but I'm just not that concerned.

I'm increasing impressed with Pickett. He's obviously on the big downward slide from his peak but he's still throwing himself in like a madman.

Round 4
vs Sydney
Everybody Is A Star
Jared Rivers gives away a free-kick, throws the ball back to some cheat who extends his hand about 3 centimetres in an "attempt" to catch it. Naturally due to this pissweak effort it flies over his head and the umpire is sucked in like the biggest moron ever to have been born and pays a 50 that ties the scores.

Not newborn fuckwits who jumped on five years ago, wonder when Tony Lockett is coming back and who were only there because the Fox Sports replay of some rubbish Super 12 game between The Highlanders and the Rotorua Rug Rats didn't start until 6pm.

Round 5
vs North Melbourne
Take It To The Limit
We were equally as bad in the first, but they were a different class of slop in the second quarter. Get your "Best of Fitzroy 1996" video out and have a close look because that's probably the only time you'll ever see anything as bad. Kicking backwards, kicking sideways, back and forth they went.

You may have seen some suggestion in this space before the season began that Byron Pickett would be a dud this season. I heartily apologise, as his performances in the last month have shown that he's still got a shitload left in him. Another top performance today. I love the man

Round 6
vs Geelong
Don't Turn Around. Der Koroner's In Town
Is it growing maturity, the realisation that sports really mean fuck all in the grand scheme of things, resignation to a life of being let down by Melbourne or the result of a slow degeneration of my central nervous system.

The critics who would claim I have lost passion (I don't think there any, but it helps me make a point) would do well to get the CCTV footage of when Aaron Davey kicked goal of the year from 8 cars deep in the carpark in the last quarter.

Being a cheer squad official is already like being head spaz - there's no need to make things worse by drawing attention to yourself

Round 7
vs Fremantle
Never Go On Holidays (by Johnny Knoxville)
Aaron Davey had appeared on the front of the Herald Sun sports section dressed, for some reason, as Fred Astaire, down to but not including his shoes (which appeared to be 2003 model Bata Scouts), thus ensuring he would not get a kick

Armed with a pen, sober (ish) and, for the first time this season, clutching a Footy Record, I was taking my duties as Demonblog supersub seriously and was determined to document any and all purple buffoonery for your reading pleasure.

Round 8
vs Hawthorn
Brock and Roll
Take notes Campbell Brown - opposition players probably don't even know who you are let alone whether or not you're actually as unhinged as you behave. You're a cock.

Most exciting was Aaron Davey's rubbing of Brown's head into the ground after kicking his first goal. Reminded me of when Jeff Farmer took a mark against Essendon and stuck the ball in his opponent's face.

"Crawford you fuck. God he's such a...." and suddenly realises that there's nobody there to concur with him. His wild anti-Crawford agenda was puzzling to me but as he was clearly both off his nut and an a-grade nutter it wasn't surprising.

Round 9
vs West Coast
Demonblog's Super Sunday Slopfest Special
Even though we were running them off the park in the early going it became apparent that you simply cannot stop Chris Judd. Short of tying him up and hacking him to pieces with a chainsaw a'la Scarface there is no way you're going to prevent him wrecking you through the centre.

The kick-in fiascos continued as Brad Miller (#4 option for the day) walked over the line, got away with it, and dropped his kick on an Eagles player who kicked a goal anyway to bring the margin back to three points.

Round 10
vs St. Kilda
The first quarter was notable for Melbourne suddenly introducing the dinky "chip it around like twats in the backline" thing that makes even hardened supporters boo their own team

Backline Dink was the still the word of the day but when we finally took the ball outside of the defensive 50 - sometimes even in less time than it took to win the Second World War - we were on fire everywhere.

In fact the wildest scenes were reserved for the time clock on the scoreboard which didn't start for three minutes, then went straight to 2.00, then reset again, went back to 2.00, started counting down, changed to 99.00 and then shut down for the rest of the game.

Round 11
vs Collingwood
Birth of a Legend
Yes. Phil Read, the angriest man alive, returned and everything is alright with the world again.

A steel-trap style Melbourne defence? Has the world gone mad?
Sadly nobody else observed the standing ovation for Philthy that I demanded pre-match

Time-On was spent talking up Philthy Phil and unsuccessfully trying to start a "WE LOVE YOU FILTHY WE DO" chant in an overwhelmingly hostile section.

Round 12
vs Essendon
FUCK OFF SHEEDS
For those of you who missed it the St. George Bank Dragon beat the Nando's chicken by two lengths with a giant slice of bread third.

And what else is there to be said about Jared Rivers that hasn't been said before? If he ever threatens to go back to Adelaide I suggest an abduction, drugging and cult-like reprogramming to ensure he stays.

Incidentally was I the only one who'd forgotten that Chris Heffernan went back there? How would you feel having being sacked by a team who retained Simon Godfrey?

Johnstone (who's game everyone else seems to getting a semi-lob on about but I didn't fancy that highly)

Round 13/14
vs Port Adelaide and Brisbane
Congratulations I have (re)Arrived
I can't remember what the hell happened to be honest other than firing up the mask gimmick in the 4th quarter and getting absolutely NO POP from the crowd in the bottom desk of the Ponsford Stand.

I have confidence that he'll bounce back but is there any doubt now that Brad Miller's career has gone off the road, plummeted into a ravine and exploded in flames?

Round 15
vs Richmond
Friday Night Slops
Having confidently declared the game against Essendon a few weeks ago to be the worst game I have seen in years I come before you tonight to acclaim a new winner.

The Next Big Thing OUT, Godfrey IN. WHY? If I had righteous indignation at Philthy's exclusion in the first place it was apoplectic rage when it turned out that he'd been considered inferior as a replacement to a man who is almost worse than Scott Chisholm.

Never before has anybody spent so much time screaming out their stream of conciousness ramblings to absolutely no response.

Round 16
vs Fremantle
Slop On Tap
If you're the sort of nutbag who believes that sport can be accurately predicted using omens then you surely would have questioned whether or not it was entirely sensible to go into a game with a six week winning streak wearing a replica of a jumper originally seen in the late 70's/early 80's when we won precisely fuck all and were belted on a weekly basis by everyone other than St. Kilda.

How they could miss a mention of Colin Sylvia sporting a mullet in honor of Heritage Week is a mystery to me though.

Sadly I missed the brawl at halftime because I'd gone outside to ponder the future of the Middle East the moment the siren had gone.

I'm not charging the Panic-O-Meter 1000 yet but Jebus H Christ if we play like that next week we'll get smashed.

Round 17
vs Footscray
Search And Destroy
Of course it's not all roses. When it comes to Melbourne is it ever?

But before we go back to the game a moment please for one of the worst attempts at crowd humor ever. One wag in the bottom of the Ponsford Stand, as Brad Johnson marked in front of Cameron Bruce in the first quarter was heard to yell "Hey Bruce! You're Loose!" as if it were the most cutting insult ever delivered.

Round 18
vs Carlton
What the fuck was that?
Afterall Essendon and Richmond almost managed to beat us by dragging us down to their level and performing the biggest flood since New Orleans.

Everyone knows that I don't play well with others and need to sit away from the crowds for the sake of my own sanity.

Credit to the people who joined in the concerted campaign against the guy and spent four quarters giving it to him every time he opened his mouth and tried to distribute another cracking gag. Credit also for Daniel Ward who gave it back to him

Roll on season 2007 because what happened yesterday screams out to me that we can't win the flag.

Round 19
vs Sydney
Born To Lose
Personally I was as sick as a dog and sat there for four (well, three and a half) quarters looking emo, coughing my lungs out and trying not to throw up before dramatically storming out at the 10 minute mark of the last.

Round 20
vs North Melbourne
Second Half Blitz (by Rowdy)
In the first half I was sitting in my seat, feeling suicidal at the prospect of missing the finals due to another late season collapse.

Had a bogan Roos supporter behind who was talking such drivel, his own family were looking embarrassed

Round 21
vs Geelong
Love Thy Bogan (by Sideshow Bob)
The motivation for my trip to Geelong was wholly and solely based on last year’s miracle win. I can still hear the roar of the Geelong fans fading as Egan’s kick turns to the left, and hugging complete strangers wearing red and blue as if they were my best mates.
Be aware of local customs. This means that when a Melbourne player has his head lopped off or has a Geelong player land square in his back, local custom is to yell the word "Ball" at the top of your voice.

Next week it’s Crows in Adelaide. Collectively, demon fans have marked this down for a loss as of about ten minutes into Round 1

Round 22
vs Adelaide
Suicide Saturday II
And you thought I'd necked myself didn't you?

I would like to think that it had more to do with a sense of self-preservation than sheer incompetence but you just can't tell in these situations. Especially when you've played 0 games and sit on your couch commenting like me.

Elimination Final
vs St. Kilda
Finals (uh!) What are they good for?
Next week we're lambs to the slaughter but right now it feels so good to be in the finals mixer.

Do they drive past speed cameras at 150kmh and go ballistic when they get pinged but sit there at the lights screaming out for the cops to nick people who are doing the limit?

Sad news about Peter Brock and all - and how could you forget with a Holden blimp showing RIP's as it flew around - but the good news is that there's another Brock waiting to become an Australian sporting legend

At which point I jumped up, turned around and delivered the biggest spray I've ever given at a game.

Qualifying Final
vs Fremantle
Weekdays and Bleakdays
Another season flushed down the crapper with little more than a teasing glimpse at Premiership glory.

Then you can run a bus over me, give me ass cancer, send me off with a gun to die on some godforsaken foreign beach - whatever I don't care.

If you want to call cricket then go to Punt Road in December and talk to fifteen people about how Victoria have been forced to follow on or something

Posted by Supermercado at 02:39 AM | Comments (0)

September 11, 2006

Surprise Midweek Update Corner

Bet you'd never see one of these eh?

First things first we play Fremantle in Perth on Friday night at 8.30. It's the best draw possible in my book because it doesn't force us to confront our wonky record at Football Park, and we get the Dockers on the back of a potentially slump starting first loss in ten weeks. Make no mistake we can take them. Chances are that we won't but it's much more likely than it would have been if we'd drawn the Crows.

And thanks to Sydney doing West Coast the dream prelim final scenario is on for the next week. The prospect of going north rather than to the west will have to give the boys extra motivation. In my sixteen odd years of following this sport (and yes I am older than that..) I've had my hopes crushed so many times that I can't imagine Melbourne winning a flag but in the era of interstate club dominance we'll very rarely get as sweet a run as we have this year. As we always say stay tuned.

Before that is the All-Australian team tonight. We're used to seeing our players shafted when it comes to this award (see for instance Robertson last year) but surely there's at least one in there this year. The contenders are as follows,

McDonald, James
Morally a lock. Despite being written off by several expert commentators (and me) in the last couple of seasons has had a huge year. Should at least sneak in for a place on the bench.

Davey, Aaron
Easily one of our most important players. And if you got in for kicking goal of the year contenders then he'd be the captain/coach but will almost certainly miss out tonight as his statistics alone don't show what an important player he is to our side. Next year. Will probably get rolled by Jeff Farmer.

Bruce, Cameron
Has had a good year but "good" isn't enough to force your way into a midfield featuring the likes of Judd/West/Cousins etc.. I'd expect him to go close if they had a second squad but is, in my book, no chance of cracking it for this one.

Whelan, Matthew
Desperately underrated. Won't crack the squad but deserves a mention for being one of the best small defenders in the game.

Rivers, Jared
Personally I think he should be a lock, having saved our arse in defence more times this year than is healthy. Without him the rest of our backline would have been left dangerously exposed. Fearless backing into packs for marks and found his way forward to kick a few goals as well. Apparently I'm the only person, Melbourne fans included, calling for his inclusion so don't hold your breath waiting for it to happen. But if it does I'll be right here giving it to anyone within range about how I was right for the first time ever.

Carroll, Nathan
Sadly not. Has had a wonderful year for us, but sadly not enough to crack it for a spot amongst the best 22 in the country. Just console yourself in the knowledge that he's got nine or ten years left in him and you'll probably not see Nicholson again.

Johnstone, Travis
Surely you jest? Has been nowhere near good enough.

Smith, Nick
Now you're taking the gimmick too far..

Posted by Supermercado at 11:28 AM | Comments (3)

August 09, 2006

Total Anarchy

Bruce - POTENTIALLY OUT
Johnstone - PROBABLY OUT
Robertson - ALMOST CERTAINLY OUT
The veins in my arm - RIGHT OUT when we lose on Saturday

Dunn is a certainty. Ferguson and Miller are a chance. There is more chance of aliens landing on the MCG and abducting James Sherry (at last) than there is of Nick Smith getting a run.

Daniher is talking about Motlop. Now it's not that I'm anti-Mot but you'd think he's going to get the ass at the end of the year so is it really a good move to bring him in? They may as well do it and give him another crack - and let's not forget he did some decent work at the end of last year and in the pre-season - for want of too many other small forward options (and the last thing we want is Godfrey wandering around up front again) but it's hardly the actions of a club in rude health is it?

And as we always ask in this spot, WHERE'S PHILTHY YOU BASTARDS? The least they can do as our season goes under a rapid rate is give me my illicit man-crush in the squad.

Posted by Supermercado at 08:52 PM | Comments (0)

July 29, 2006

That's fairly interesting..

First there was McLean. Then there was Bate. Then there was Dunn. Now all hail the Next Next Next Next Big Thing,

Melbourne first-year player Nathan Jones will make his AFL debut on Sunday after being named in the Demons' final 22 for the clash with the Western Bulldogs at the MCG.

WAVE
OF
THE
FUTURE

Posted by Supermercado at 01:34 PM | Comments (1)

June 25, 2006

Mid-Season Review

Or what passes for such a thing on this shambles of a site. Well the good news is that after starting 0-3 (I'm sure you remember that?) we go into the second half of the season 8-4 with wins over three teams in the eight, and creditable losses to each of the top two. The bad news is that history has shown this to be the point of the year where in the past two seasons things started going horribly wrong. In '04 we saved it until the last five games to botch things magnificently, last year we lost 7 in a row before wobbling into the finals and getting smashed. Where will it go wrong this year? My heart says Grand Final Day, my head says the first week of the finals (again..) But what of the components of this performance? Let's review shall we,

HITS

* Clint Bartram
Nobody taken at #53 in the draft should be able to walk into a side in Round One and play as well as he has this year. Runs himself into a frenzy, has good skills and a great defensive game. A star for years to come.

* Matthew Bate
Big, agile, finds the ball easily and can kick goals. Another long term player. Set shots for goal have been average but it's the only flaw in an otherwise excellent debut season so far.

* Cameron Bruce
All class. All the time. Five good years left in him if he stays injury free and can be consistently relied upon to be amongst the best on the ground in any given week. A gun.

* Nathan Carroll
All-Australian might be a bit strong but the scariest looking player in the league has gone ballistic down back this season and in partnership with Jared Rivers has formed the best defensive unit we've had since the Seecamp/Shanahan/Ingerson "Jurassic Pack" of 1998. I'm happy to admit I was wrong about him early last year because he has proven the critics wrong with authority.

* Aaron Davey
Has kicked goal of the year and 19 others that weren't too bad either. Consistently amongst the best and developing into one of the most important players we've got. Weathered a two week dry spell and came back with a vengeance to tear Collingwood's throat out on Queen's Birthday Monday. Best defensive forward in the league.

* Lynden Dunn
Has looked a more accomplished CHF in seven games than Miller has in two seasons. Takes marks, gets touches at ground level and more importantly kicks goals (10 so far). Still not fully developed and a chance to be frighteningly good when he is.

* James McDonald
Written off by many (including me, which proves what a fiasco this entire analysis is) at the start of the year but has responded with one of his finest seasons ever. Laid 15 tackles against Fremantle in Round 7 and has been a vital cog in our midfield with his assured disposal skills almost always hitting their mark. Is signed to the end of next season and has plenty left in him yet.

* Brock McLean
The next big thing has missed three games through injury but when he's been on-field he's played like a man with ten times more experience. Confident with the ball, good at getting it and tough as fuck. The X Factor in our midfield and a future Brownlow Medallist if I've ever seen one.

* David Neitz
Has defied age to put on a great season so far. Cracked the games and goals records AND kicked what surely must have been his finest goal ever amongst his 8 against St. Kilda from outside 50 on the boundary line. Probably has one more season after this left in him but is playing like a 20 year old again after a couple of years where it looked as if he was falling apart.

* Byron Pickett
Yes, when I got a text message at 4.30am while I was asleep in London that told me we'd signed him I cried out in anguish. Yes, I thought he'd lost it. Yes I said he had an arse bigger than Sydney Harbour during the pre-season. Yes I was - again - wrong. I've been suitably chastised and it's even been in the fecking papers. Has been a star, and along with McLean has added much needed grunt to our midfield. Looks to have a few good years left in him and may turn out to be one of the most visionary trades in recent history, and further proof of why professional coaching staff run football sides and not fat bastards in the outer.

* Jared Rivers
Was a Rising Star. Now is simply a star. If he ever attempts to go back to play in Adelaide I suggest we declare war on the state of South Australia and wipe them off the face of the map to ensure it doesn't happen. Along with Davey, McLean, Dunn and Bate he represents the group that will ensure that we're still a good side even after Neitz/Yze/McDonald etc.. have retired.

* Russell Robertson
Not having the year he did last season and has been struggling with injury but still represents a vitally important part of the side. Has kicked a goal in every game this season and other than against Collingwood (where Neitz and the midfield contributed the goals) has looked dangerous every week. The player that Chris Tarrant would love to be.

* Matthew Whelan
The most underrated man alive. One of those players that murder it week in week out but supporters of other clubs have no idea about it. Surely one of the best in the business against small forwards, and a man who launches into every tackle as if he's flattening the guy who stole his wallet. Undoubtedly destined to play a few more years and then be criminally forgotten by the wider football community. Another great year, and in a just society would be right in the mix for an All-Australian guernsey.

* Jeff White
Consistently kills it in the centre. Far more important to the side than I ever give him credit for. Mark Jamar isn't bad, and has certainly improved this year to the point of being non-cringeworthy backup, but I'd still take White at the centre bounce any day of the week. If, god forbid, we're going to win anything this year he needs to remain fit and firing. Has only just turned 29 and has plenty of football left in him - a statistic that somewhat arouses me.

* Adem Yze
Almost certainly not the player he used to be but has ripped out some slashing performances this year (Geelong/Fremantle/St. Kilda) to prove that he's still got it. And his now annual demolition job on Collingwood was quite amusing too. Another vitally important player to our Premiership tilt.

MISSES

* Brad Miller
Surpassed at CHF by Dunn after years of being groomed to play the position and now seemingly unable to get a game in our backline due to the second coming of Ben Holland. Touted as a future captain and stuck on the membership card he's gone backwards this year. Will obviously be back for another crack but his stocks have fallen dramatically so far in '06

* Colin Sylvia
Slightly harsh as he's still only played 20 something games but his progress has been nowhere near that of Brock McLean (selected two sptos later than him in the National Draft) and he's finding it hard work to break into our midfield. Will, undoubtedly, bounce back but those of us who fell for the hype when he was drafted have every right to wonder whether or not it's going to happen anytime soon. The new Travis Johnstone? The idea simultaneously amuses and terrifies me.

* Clint Bizzell
Has been great over the years but injuries have kept him out of the side this season and it's hard to see him winning back a consistent spot in the starting lineup again.

* Nathan Brown
Same as Bizzell. Has been great for the last six years, and there's still few others who play with the same level of intensity as he does. Signed to the end of next year I'm sure he'll back for more over the next season and a half but his year so far has been a bust.

* Brent Moloney
Hasn't been able to follow up his excellent debut season. Will be back (possibly with a vengeance, though we are unable to confirm this) but would struggle to break into our best 22 at the moment. I'm a big fan of his so consider this tough love.

* Alistair Nicholson
Sorry ladies, he's finished. Another year on his contract but the way Rivers and Carroll have come on he's nothing more than a backup for them now. History will remember him as a gallant competitor in a seriously undermanned (and often shit) backline from 2001-2005 but with what's on offer now there's no consistent place for him.

* Paul Wheatley
Our selection in the BigFooty "Adopt a Demon 2006" has dropped off the radar since Round Four. Is he still alive? What kind of adopted parent am I? I don't even know if he's injured or not but he'd have to grimacing at seeing Holland taking his position. At least if he's not getting a game on form it's because others are playing well in front of him - unlike 2003 when he was dropped for most of the year despite the fact that our defence was a Grade-A shambles which was being breached more often that Paris Hilton. Will be back I'm sure - you can't argue with running defenders who get 10/15 possessions a game.

NEITHER HERE NOR THERE

* Ryan Ferguson
Crippled in an accidental collision with Sylvia early on his absence has hardly been missed down back where Carroll and Rivers have been butchering it all year. Given that we already tried to trade him to Hawthorn at the end of last season he might again be dangled as trade bait later this year. Personally I'd like to see him go forward as part of the "Who the fuck is going to replace David Neitz then?" trials that we're going to have to run in the next year. I like him as a player, and he's every chance to replace Holland in the NEW JURASSIC PACK at the end of the year but if I was Ryan I'd be looking over my shoulder and wondering which club they're going to try and flog him off to.

* Simon Godfrey
To be entirely frank he's got no place in our best 22, but look at the win/loss record this year when he's been in the team (7-1). Maybe there's some method to the madness? Still scares the shit out of me every time he goes near it.

* Ben Holland
Has reinvented himself as a defender in the last few weeks (and who was calling for that two years ago? Your old pals at Demonblog.com that's who) but you'd be nuts to think it's going to last and be a longterm prospect. Contract runs out at the end of this year and he may survive for another if he can continue this form for the next four months.

* Brad Green
Came good when the rest of the team did in round four and has played well since. Interestingly his kicking for goal has absolutely lost the plot this season after being so good for years. Is 189.100 in his career but only 6.10 this year. I'm still not sure we shouldn't entertaining the prospect of trying to flog him off to get a top FF (Fevola anyone?) at the end of the season.

* Travis Johnstone
Controversial this one I'm sure, but I can't be alone in occasionally cringing at his disposal. Gets the thing like it's on a string and is generally excellent but ocassionally has costly brain explosions. And shouldn't be allowed to kick out as much as he does. Like Green he'd be a hit if we didn't expect so much of him.

* Shannon Motlop
Did what he was hired (at short notice) to do last year but hasn't been seen since Round One this season. Would love to see him back in the side for another run but he's no long-term prospect. Contract ends at the end of this year and will almost certainly be delisted but we can't have any complaints about the job he's done for us.

* Philthy Phil
I repeat what I said in the last match report. BIGGEST CULT HERO SINCE DARREN KOWAL. Hasn't actually done much this year but a great man nonetheless. Will almost certainly have him hamstrings explode again before the end of the year but no matter what else happens he'll always be my hero for the "If he kicks this I'm walking out and never watching football again. Oh, shit he has!" goal against Essendon in the '04 finals.

* Nick Smith
Hasn't played since 2003 but is finally showing some form at Sandy and even managed to be an "IN" earlier this year before being culled from the extended bench. Definately not the Neitz replacement that he was initially touted as, and probably not even an AFL standard player but tell me you don't want to see him line up just once for the novelty value of having missed two entire seasons between games - how often would that have been done before?

THE VERDICT

You know we could win a flag this year. We really could. But next year is going to be Year Zero - if we add an Akermanis or Fevola (yer come on, let's do it) then it's going to be the year that we go for it. Cross your fingers (and other things) and hope for it this year but don't despair if we cock it up because next season is going to be MASSIVE.

Posted by Supermercado at 04:54 PM | Comments (0)

May 17, 2006

Bizarro World

Since when did blockbuster player swap deals get discussed before round 8? And even more importantly since when were we the focus of them?

NEALE Daniher wasn't interested in talking about out-of-favour Brisbane Lion Jason Akermanis yesterday, but says the Demons will be playing among the "big boys" come trade time this year.

Daniher would not be drawn on comments from chairman Paul Gardner that the Demons would be interested if Akermanis was available at the end of the season.

But the Demons coach said the club's improved financial position meant it was able to chase high-priced players.

"I don't want to talk about Jason Akermanis. He is a contracted player with Brisbane," Daniher said. "I think the point we are making there is, in the past, we haven't been able to consider any players with our financial situation.

"Not so long ago we were having trouble finding $20,000-$30,000 to get money for Aaron Davey as a rookie.

"I don't necessarily want to talk about Jason, but the point we are making is that we're in amongst the big boys.

"There is no secret that we went after Lance (Whitnall) and we're very happy with Byron (Pickett).

"The context from the president is he has come to me in the past and said, 'Financially mate, don't even consider X, Y, Z, A, B, C, D, E, F, G'.

"What he is saying in the broader context is that our club has moved forward."

But do we want him? I'm not for blowing the budget on somebody who might be completely past it, but as the Pickett experiment has seemingly worked against all the odds it might not be such a bad idea. Personally if you're going to trade for old players I'd think about getting somebody in to play FF for a couple of years. Neitz is slowly ebbing away and even though Dunn looks promising in two games you can't guarantee anything. Finally our backline looks somewhat secure - though a bit more help would never hurt - so it's time to throw the cash at somebody who will kick a shitload of goals.

Your thoughts? Do we need talented but clearly nuts players at Melbourne? And where is all this money coming from?

Posted by Supermercado at 04:52 PM | Comments (4)

April 12, 2006

Robbo Goes Off

What a legend,

The emotional Demon was burning so deeply after Saturday's loss to the Bulldogs he verbally lashed out at supporters who questioned the heart of some teammates.

"I didn't like hearing my teammates cop a mouthful," Robertson said yesterday.

"I basically told the supporters the players did have heart and they were trying.

"They were getting personal, so I snapped."

Now that I support. Not only does it prove that his heart is 100% for the club - and exactly why he's captaincy material - but it's good to see somebody finally give it back to the mutants in the crowd. I'm all for going spare at rubbish performances but the clowns who hang over the railing at the end of the game and go sick need a slapping. Sadly Robbo isn't the man to deliver,

Robertson now regrets the outburst, the end result of two disappointing losses in a row.

"Supporters have got every right to say things -- they bleed as much as we do. You should keep walking," Robertson said.

If he ever decides to reach out and belt somebody in the crowd I'm there to support him.

Posted by Supermercado at 11:28 AM | Comments (0)

March 30, 2006

Round 110: FIGHT!*

(* I'm just assuming it's been 110 seasons. You do the math, I can't be bothered)

Whisper it quietly but the new season starts in three days. For us anyway, there are six other games on involving teams that we don't give a monkey's about. Whisper it even more quietly but our entire season weighs on this very match. An extraordinary dramatic statement from somebody prone to extreme pessimism you may think but as far as I'm concerned it's valid.

There's no doubt teams can rebound from surprise round one losses to storm the season. Remember, if you dare, when we stitched up North in the first game of '97 and then proceeded to do fuck all for the rest of the year while they went to a Preliminary Final. This time, though, we are dealing with an entirely different beast altogether. We're talking about a club that has made a name for itself in the for it's spectacular Hindenberg style disasters in the last two seasons. We're talking about a team that only made the finals last year on the back of a lucky but deserved 1pt win in Geelong, a 3pt victory over Footscray which was wholly undeserved and a lacklustre 10pt win over the worst Essendon side in years. The rematch with Geelong was a whitewash, and even with apologies for the black death injury plague we suffered during the game there was no doubt they were the better team. It pains me to say it but despite having one of our best lists in the last decade we're not worthy of respect coming into this season.

And don't be delusional and think that Carlton can't beat us. Fevola and Whitnall might one of the handful of half decent players they have but remember that our defence has been absolutely shithouse at times in the last few years AND Jared Rivers is out injured. This leaves Nicholson, Carroll and Ferguson as our tall backs. I've no faith in Nicho unless he's playing against Matthew Richardson and even though I like his work Ferguson is no strength match for either of them. Carroll's performance against Matthew Lloyd in Round 22 would hint that he's maturing into a better player than I gave him credit for in the past but I remember him slaughtering Barry Hall in the last round of '03 and not doing anything for the next two years. A R22 specialist perhaps? Should have traded him to Richmond.

Also injured - McLean, Bizzell and Holland. Add that to the criminally underdone Bruce and Moloney and if I were the sort of corrupt bastard who bet against his own team I'd be getting right on the Blues under 20 points @ 6-1. Neitz showed nothing in the pre-season until the last game and I fail to see where it will get us to have a high scoring shootout of a match. If the midfield leaks and the defence collapses we are, quite simply, bollocksed.

Or maybe we'll win by 200? What do I know.

My 2006 Ladder, as dissected by the Demonblog Super Computer.

1. St. Kilda
2. West Coast
3. Geelong
4. Adelaide
5. Sydney
6. North Melbourne
7. Melbourne
8. Brisbane
---
9. Fremantle
10. Richmond
11. Port Adelaide
12. Essendon
13. Collingwood
14. Bulldogs (don't be fooled by their late season form. They're flops)
15. Hawthorn
16. Carlton

Premiers: West Coast
Brownlow: Not one of our players
Coleman: Neither
First player named for being a junkie: [DELETED FOR LEGAL REASONS]

UPDATE

Melbourne's Squad
N.Brown, N.Carroll, M.Whelan, A.Yze, R.Ferguson, D.Ward, B.Green, C.Bruce, B.Moloney, B.Pickett, B.Miller, A.Davey, P.Johnson, D.Neitz, R.Roberston, J.White, C.Sylvia, T.Johnstone, S.Motlop, A.Nicholson, C.Bartram, M.Jamar, J.McDonald, M.Bate, N.Jones

Make of that what you will. I'm not even getting into preferred lineups. Cross your fingers, hope for good luck and NEVER LISTEN TO WHAT AN OFFICIAL WEBSITE SAYS. EVER.

And buy a membership cheapskate.

Posted by Supermercado at 06:55 PM | Comments (0)

February 19, 2006

Like a red headed stepchild

Ladies and gentlemen,

Please welcome Demonblog's adopted player for 2006. We give you,

the man named after a harvestable crop. No, not Bob Corn. Not this year anyway. We've ended up with Paul Wheatley in Big Footy's "Adopt A Player" thread. What exactly this means is still a mystery to everyone, and I was spewing to come in too late to nab Demonblog's own Philthy Phil Read, but we'll be following the performance of our finest #31 since Rod Keogh closely during the year.

Where's "Adopt a Historical Figure"? I want Jakovich.

Posted by Supermercado at 05:10 PM | Comments (0)

February 18, 2006

Pre-Season Fever

Hands up who really takes intra-club games seriously? For every player going ballistic and having a hundred touches it usually means that he was playing against somebody who is also contracted to us and happens to be shit. At least wait until the gimmick practice matches against Fremantle in Bunbury to start making decisions about who's a gun and who is for the tip.

Not that I was actually there today, but when has that ever stopped anyone from providing quality reportage. Either that or I could just pilfer the afl.com.au report instead,

Russell Robertson kicked an attention-grabbing five goals, but Melbourne looks to have found a ready-made senior player in top draft choice Nathan Jones after the solidly built youngster starred in Friday's intra-club match at Victoria Park.

Jones, who turned 18 last month, was taken at pick 12 by the Demons in last year's NAB AFL draft after a stellar season at under 18 level which culminated in 36 touches in a losing side in the TAC Cup grand final.

And in his first hit-out at senior level the 179cm pocket rocket showed why he was regarded as one of the fittest players in the TAC Cup last year as well as the best ball winners as he helped himself to more than 20 possessions in an eye-catching performance that has almost certainly ensured him a place in the Demons' side for the first round NAB Cup game against the Western Bulldogs in Darwin next week.

However what made Jones' performance even more noticeable was the fact his 85kg body already looks capable of standing up to senior level football as showed when he courageously stood under a high ball in the opening minutes and was met heavily only to immediately get up and keep playing.

And his smother directly off the boot resulting in yet another possession in the second term had the couple of hundred Demons' fans in attendance in raptures.

After the game Melbourne coach Neale Daniher attempted to play down the excitement over Jones but was candid when asked whether his performance ensured a place in the NAB Cup next week.

"I would have thought so," Daniher said.

Daniher was more effusive over the performance of the Demons' top draft choice from the previous year in Matthew Bate, a wingman who did not play in the AFL last year but was a member of Sandringham's VFL premiership side.

"Matthew Bate is ready to play and that's what you take out of a game like this," he said.

"We will take Bate to Darwin and we think we might have a footballer there this year."

In hot conditions, which Daniher said was an ideal preparation for next Friday's clash in the tropical heat of the Top End, the Demons also unveiled some exciting rookie list players.

The first was 18-year-old Andre Gianfagna, who began the game by kicking two goals (one a great goal on the run from near the boundary) on Brad Green while 19-year-old Daniel Hughes - a player Daniher described in the Cameron Bruce mould - also looked promising.

However another rookie in defender Matthew Warnock had a far tougher morning opposed to a red-hot Robertson, who was easily the most eye-catching of the Demons' senior players.

Robertson kicked 5.4 and took two of his trademark screamers to show he is more than capable of matching last year's fantastic season in which he kicked 73 goals and was considered the most unlucky player to miss All-Australian selection.

"He is a good player that Russell Robertson," Daniher joked after the match before praising the performance of young Warnock.

"It was a good experience for young Matty, we have got a lot of faith in him and we might take him away to Darwin next week."

The Demons were without skipper David Neitz (resting), Daniel Ward (calf), Brent Moloney (shoulder) and Ben Holland (finger) and that quartet will all miss next week's NAB Cup opener, but Brock McLean and Phil Read could play after missing the intra-club match with minor niggles.

Veteran midfielder Simon Godfrey (rolled ankle) was the only player injured on Friday but will play in Darwin while other players to impress were new recruit Byron Pickett, experienced trio Clint Bizzell, Mark Jamar and Shannon Motlop - who all look much fitter, youngster Chris Johnson and the classy Travis Johnstone, who racked up possession after possession until being rested early in the third quarter.

This bit should concern anyone,

The first was 18-year-old Andre Gianfagna, who began the game by kicking two goals (one a great goal on the run from near the boundary) on Brad Green

Was Gianfagmania running riot, or has Green completely lost the plot? Personally I'm favor of flogging him off to the highest bidder at the end of the year - if we can extort a first round pick from a dud side on the basis of his goalkicking alone it'll be the biggest scandal around. Good news for us if the Pies are rubbish again and their mutant fans start clattering for "big" signings. He played for Manchester United once you know, in case you missed that nugget of information on one of the 9545 occasions commentators have pointed it out.

Roll on Darwin and the Bulldogs. We're taking the pre-season cup lightly this year, and they're huge candidates to be hyped by everyone and do nothing so if we plaster them I'll start thinking about finals football. Until then nothing has been proven and we still exist in some sort of existential footballing limbo.

Next week: Nietschze, Nihilism and how it fits perfectly into being a Melbourne fan.

Posted by Supermercado at 01:49 AM | Comments (0)

February 03, 2006

It begins

It's going to be one of those seasons. I can tell.

A MELBOURNE Football Club player has been ordered not to assault his teenage girlfriend after an early-morning incident last weekend.

Colin Sylvia, the AFL's No. 3 pick in the 2003 national draft, was yesterday also ordered by a magistrate not to harass, threaten or intimidate her.

The club may now be obliged to report the matter to the AFL under the league's new policy that promotes a safe and inclusive environment for women.

Sylvia, 20, appeared in Melbourne Magistrates Court yesterday accompanied by his girlfriend, Elise Whichello, after police were called to a road in Albert Park at about 3.30am last Sunday.

Police saw a woman, later identified as Ms Whichello, upset and found Sylvia nearby and apparently affected by alcohol. The court heard Sylvia had allegedly threatened to kill a man who witnessed the alleged incident if he reported it to police.

Ultra farcical.

Posted by Supermercado at 11:29 AM | Comments (0)

January 13, 2006

The Dream Is Alive

Our pre-blog idol returns. Back on the list in '07 I tell you. And captain by 2010. Cue heartwarming scenes.

Former Melbourne and Sandringham players Guy Rigoni and Chris Lamb will both play for the Sandringham Zebras in 2006.

[We love you Guy, but not as much as we love the other guy]

Lamb will be returning to VFL football after having a year off from playing the game. Lamb travelled during 2004 but is keen to return to VFL football, where he played an important role in the Sandringham 2004 premiership win. Lamb also played 21 games for Melbourne while on their list.

Duel Sandringham premiership coach Mark Williams said, "It's great to have such good players wanting to return or continue their affiliation with us, and to have Guy and Chris line up with Sandringham next year is great news, and will add to our team experience.

"These two, along with the current crop of players that have been part of our club over the last couple of years, will be very important toward developing our younger players, especially those who will join us from the Sandringham Dragons.

How much do you think it would cost to be his player sponsor at Sandringham this year? Wouldn't you just go wild for walking into the Beach Oval clubhouse and seeing that? In fact it could be the move that finally inspires me to accept the VFA again fifteen years after the death of Camberwell.

Posted by Supermercado at 06:57 PM | Comments (1)

January 07, 2006

Like Eating Glass

Have I explained just how much I fear the upcoming season? No really, I'm not looking forward to it in the slightest because with the team we've got nothing less than a deep, deep run into the finals will suffice. If we had a gun full-back and Neitz was two years younger I'd hold out some hope that we could win the whole thing.

We can't of course. For all his heroics last season there's no way that Russell Robertson is going to kick another 73 goals, Neitz has pretty much lost the plot and will be extremely fortunate to put 50 on the board and other than a few cameo performances here and there that's our forward line gone. As previously discussed I've got a fetish for Sylvia at FF, but I can't see it happening anytime soon. I wouldn't mind seeing some pre-season "Who gives a rats about this trophy anyway?" experimentation with Miller up front either and Holland at CHF. Everyone knows that Holland can't kick a goal from inside 30 metres but he can take a grab so it would be worth a try. Better than the usual tactic of throwing Green to FF and watching him flail about with absolutely no comprehension of how to play the position. It's a make or break year for Brad. I like him as a player but unless he can provide something more than occasionally showing up and being able to kick straight then we may as well try and flog him to a team with more money than brains for a high draft pick.

It promises to be a big year for,

* Daniel Bell - If he doesn't get injured every five minutes.
* Nathan Carroll - Encouraging late season form could see him make the FB position his own. Wrecked Matthew Lloyd in R22.
* Travis Johnstone - Surely. This is the year. Get your Brownlow on.
* Brock McLean - Firmly cemented himself as a starting player. Not a bad outside bet for the B&F
* Brent Moloney - Loved his work last season. More of the same please.

On the other hand,

* Clint Bizzell - I'm not suggesting we give him the arse but improvements are required.
* Nathan Brown - Pretty much necked after this year.
* Simon Godfrey - Trains to Sandringham depart from Platform 10
* Ben Holland - Is going to have another up and down year if they continue to play him as a spare parts forward. Is likely to miss some sitter goals from within 10m
* James McDonald - Not past it yet, but rapidly approaching. Can expect to sit on the bench a lot more this year.
* Alastair Nicholson - Daniher loves him so I wouldn't expect him to cop a bullet anytime soon but he's frustratingly inconsistent. Wheel him out to do the yearly hack job on Matthew Richardson and then pack him away.
* Shannon Motlop - Handy at times last year, but even he'd know that he's there for a good time not a long time. Performances whilst wearing #53 during that epic victory in Geelong will live in our memory. For a while at least.
* Demonblog's Own Phil Read - If he gets delisted I'm going to burn my membership. We love you Philthy.
* Nick Smith - I remember you.
* Adem Yze - If you still care give us a sign.

Pff... Roll on the pre-season comp and final confirmation that there's absolutely no surprises in store for us and that they've finally accepted mediocrity.

Posted by Supermercado at 01:44 PM | Comments (1)

January 04, 2006

Shattered

The 2006 season is already proving to be a complete disgrace, and it doesn't start for another three months.

YOUNG Melbourne on-baller Colin Sylvia is still hampered by a groin complaint heading into the heaviest load of the pre-season program.

Sylvia only completed light running and didn't try twisting or turning when the Demons resumed training at the Trevor Barker Oval at Sandringham yesterday.

The highly-rated Demon is likely to be overlooked for the NAB Cup series starting late next month in a bid to be ready for the AFL season start in March.

"We're still managing him. It is a bit of a concern," coach Neale Daniher said after training. "He had the shoulder operation and came back to training with us. He has pulled up a bit sore, so we're still quite conservative with him.

"We're still very optimistic that he will be right for the season proper. He did a bit of running and kicking today, but all on a straight line."

Sylvia, who turned 20 in November, was restricted to three senior games by osteitis pubis in 2004, although he managed 16 games last season before shoulder surgery.

"He has had it before, but he went through all of last year without a problem. So we're just making sure we keep on top of it," Daniher said.

"Everyone else is pretty good at this stage, so we're in pretty good nick."

I have a bad feeling about this year. Perhaps that's just because I'm a pessimistic bastard.

Posted by Supermercado at 02:38 PM | Comments (0)

November 28, 2005

Pardon?

Now I'm not a football recruiter, nor am I in any way a professional analyst of the game. Obviously. But it would seem to me that in analysing the Melbourne Football Club player list as it stood on Friday night that we have a fairly strong midfield. Now our backline, despite some encouraging Carroll performances at the arse end of the year, is dicked and we've got no obvious candidate to play full-forward when Neitz's body gives way in the next couple of years. Then there's the small matter of no absolutely convincing replacement for Jeff White should he get hurt either.

So what did we do at the draft? Pick four midfielders out of four of course. Now there might be a very good reason for this that I'm missing but it seems slightly odd. Now, Nathan Jones as the first selection I'm all in favor of but what about the other three? Couldn't we have come up with at least one potential KPP? You're asking these kids to break into a midfield that already consists of, Bruce/McLean/Moloney/Sylvia/Read/Godfrey/McDonald/Yze and potentially Green/Davey. Good luck to the lower picks, you'll need it.

I have a fetish for Sylvia @ Full Forward. I'm telling you it can work. McDonald, Godfrey and Demonblog's own Philthy Phil would have to be counting down the days to becoming obsolete. When Philthy goes I'm going to cry.

Posted by Supermercado at 07:16 PM | Comments (1)

November 01, 2005

Cruel to be kind

The sound you hear coming from Demonblog is towers isn't one of corks popping for Melbourne Cup day. No, pissed people throwing up in hedges and inappropriately touching each other in the street aren't the reason for applause today. This is,

PREMIERSHIP player Chris Heffernan is poised to return to where it all began: Essendon.

The Bombers will swoop on the 26-year-old in the national or next month's pre-season draft after Heffernan was yesterday one of four players delisted by Melbourne.

Heffernan on Sunday night told Demons coach Neale Daniher of his desire to continue his career at Windy Hill.

The 2000 premiership star has been offered a two-year deal by the Bombers.

Joining him out the door at Melbourne yesterday were Luke Williams, Steven Armstrong and Cameron Hunter.

Finally they've shown some balls in axing underperforming senior players. This is the start of a new era - with the potential exception of Armstrong there's not one of those who deserves to be on our list, or any list for that matter, next year.

But then there's this,

Armstrong, who attracted interest from Port Adelaide during the trade period, Hunter and Williams are also expected to nominate for either of the drafts.

If there's any drafting to be had of those two the recruiting managers concerned should be executed immediately.

Posted by Supermercado at 07:58 PM | Comments (1)

September 21, 2005

Bye!

With Carlton and Collingwood having the first few picks of the Pre-Season Draft we're not going to get anything for him, but is the Yze era over? More afterwards,

TALKS on a new contract for Melbourne's Adem Yze have broken down with the vice-captain likely to be searching for a new club for next year.

If negotiations can't be resolved on a new three-year deal to stay at Melbourne it is likely the out-of-contract Demon could be traded to another club, or even nominate for the pre-season draft and be lost to Melbourne for nothing.

Talks faltered after the club withdrew a mid-season agreement of a new three-year deal worth more than a million dollars and made a post-season offer on vastly reduced terms.

It is understood Yze's management had a new three-year agreement on the table but, when Melbourne fell into its seven-game losing streak, the club's board intervened and froze all contract negotiations until the end of season. At season's end, when contract talks resumed, the terms of the offer had changed, infuriating Yze and his management.

The midfielder, who turns 28 today, would be 30 in the third year of a new contract.

I know he's been playing crippled, I know he turned it on and wrecked a couple of rubbish sides during the year, and I know he's got a couple of years left in him but I don't find myself particuarly devestated upon reading this news. If we got a top 10 pick in the draft for him I'd be overjoyed - it's about time we made a statement to our playing list that we're not going to pay ridiculous amounts of money for players to run around, get cheap kicks and do a grand total of 0 hard things for the game. If somebody else is willing to pay him a fortune then good for them.

And thankfully the fact that he's out of contract should stop any of this idiotic membership burning, rioting against Daniher, whinging like little girls that went on after the Woewodin trade. Despite what everyone had to say, and the river of tears that flowed from people who had never had any more involvement in football than scratching their balls in the Southern Stand for 22 weeks a year, the football department were proved right on that one. I trust them to know when a player is on the way out.

If he wants to stay then good for him. I would have questioned this move six months ago, but if my final memory of him in a Melbourne jumper is going to be turning the ball over against Essendon and then just turning around and jogging off while it's bouncing around the turf five metres away from him then so be it. The least players can do is wait until we've won something to start demanding a huge wedge of cash. I'd rather flog off all our "superstars" and rebuild then pay the top 5 an absolute fortune for doing fuck all.

Posted by Supermercado at 05:47 PM | Comments (2)

September 14, 2005

Wild Speculation Corner

We're still alive! Even if the season is over and nobody is reading this site anymore. When you log back on in November tell me whether this happened or not,

Carlton is believed to have sounded out Melbourne regarding its interest in Fevola, but the Blues received a lukewarm response.

However, the Demons have declared they would love the prized signature of Fevola's teammate Lance Whitnall.

The 26-year-old is unhappy with a new contract offer on the table at Optus Oval worth about $300,000 a season.

Whitnall's manager Ricky Nixon said yesterday the offer wasn't satisfactory and that West Coast, Melbourne and one other club involved in the finals had shown serious interest.

Demons recruiting manager Craig Cameron said last night the club was ready to pounce if Whitnall walked out on the Blues.

"We are certainly very interested and we'd be a better team with him in it," Cameron said.

"He has a great football brain and if he falls out with Carlton we are here."

Good thing they didn't persist with the Fevola angle. That would be the only thing worse than throwing a fortune at the poor man's Russell Robertson that is Chris Tarrant. I know we need a replacement for Neitz in the next couple of years but an overpayed clown with pineapple hair and a bad attitude is not the person.

The Big Fat Ugly Kid - on the other hand - I will take with open arms. Again provided he's not being paid too much.

Posted by Supermercado at 01:41 PM | Comments (1)

August 11, 2005

Urgent Announcement

At 8pm, on Thursday August 11th, 2005 Demonblog.com and the Supermercado Project officially withdrew it's support for Neale Daniher and the Melbourne Football Club match committee. The news was prompted by the following change in the side for the crucial match against Geelong,

IN: Neitz, Green, Johnstone, Whelan
OUT: Ward, P.Johnson, C.Johnson, Read

As leaders and major sponsors of the Phil Read Phaction, will not stand for our man being persecuted in favour of the likes of Simon Godfrey and Steven Armstrong whose futures at the club are shaky at best.

We now call on Daniher and his coaching staff to resign immediately and make way for somebody who can appreciate the raw animal power of Philthy Phil.

Posted by Supermercado at 10:21 PM | Comments (0)

August 01, 2005

We Are The World

This post is simulcast on The Supermercado Project

As you may have heard somewhere - the Melbourne Football Club 2005 season has officially passed away. I'd like to say "rest in peace" but I will, instead, say "rest very badly you softcocks". Read this if you're really interested in the full story of my massive mental meltdown on Saturday. If you'd rather just see it in pictures go here instead - you sadistic bastard.

The reason we're here today is to pay musical tribute to Colin "Wave of the Future" Sylvia who, after being dropped for no good reason, did his shoulder in the 2nd's and is out for the entire season. Now just as the rest of the squad have died or been suspended and there's every possible chance of the clowns in the coaches box letting him play four quarters he's out. Sport is rotten - never get involved in it.

Download: Pulp - Sylvia (5.5mb)

Not specifically concerning the great man himself, especially given that it's about a woman, but there's more then a few clues in the lyrics,

She's living in the country now (country = the reserves)
Oh, she's trying to get better (*sob* injured)

Who's this man you're talking to? (N. Daniher?)
Can't you see what he wants to do? (Well nobody else can by the look of it)

Yeah you know that you deserve better. (CORRECT. Sandringham is for Luke Williams. Not the Wave of the Future)
Oh Sylvia. (*wail*)

Even more impressively the song was released in 1998 (album - This Is Hardcore = criminally underrated), predating Colin's debut by a full six years.

Get well soon. Because the rest of our list isn't.

Posted by Supermercado at 09:38 PM | Comments (0)

July 30, 2005

Good News

We can lose the next three and still make the eight.

Even if we get done today and beaten senseless in Adelaide and Geelong we can win the next two and still fall into the 8 on percentage, and earn the right to see another first round failure - this time against the hated Saints.

Thanks Toyota AFL Ladder Predictor!

Posted by Supermercado at 12:58 PM | Comments (3)

July 16, 2005

Love Story

In a manly, boofy, bloky, heterosexual, groping the arse after a great goal way I heart Phil Read. It's true. I'm getting a #28 on my jumper next year - which should ensure he never plays again.

MELBOURNE utility Phil Read has banished career-ending thoughts from his mind, confident he has finally beaten a prolonged bout of hamstring injuries.

The 26-year-old has fought the debilitating problem in both legs for most of this season as he sought every solution from surgery to alternative medicine in a bid to play.

Even training became a psychological and physical test for Read, who has bowed to the injury four times already this season.

"There was a stage there even at training where I was a bit worried about running out and tearing a hamstring," Read said.

"It got to the stage where I'd run out and just get little cramps and a hamstring would go and I'd go in and get it assessed and it would be, 'You're out for three to four weeks'.

"I was under no illusions, coming off a fourth hamstring, that this was career-threatening."

He played against Port Adelaide in his first game back last week following yet another injury break.

"It's just a really good feeling to get through a game," said the former West Coast player.

"It wasn't the result we were looking for but just to actually play with the boys and get back out on the field after 10 or 12 weeks not being able to train and stuff, it was a good feeling."

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Rather than preparing for the football afterlife, he now feels his future has opened up again.

"I've put a lot of work in. Not many people realise that when you're injured you actually train twice as hard as anyone else," Read said.

"I was going away from the club and doing extra work as well so I've got total faith in my body at the moment."

Read has torn both left and right hamstrings and after toying with various treatments including Pilates and Yoga it is now thought the problem related to surgery he had on both knees where grafts from his hamstrings were used.

Despite his own self-doubts, Read said Melbourne had continued to back him and continued its efforts to resolve the problem.

"At no stage did I feel like I didn't have the backing of the coaching staff," Read said.

"They kept telling me, it's a long season, you've got 10 weeks to go, you can get yourself right.

"The faith they've shown me, I'm just really eager to repay them."

A (very) short history of my jumper numbers

#54, Brent Heaver (what a sensational debut for both of us)
#31, Rod Keogh (!?)
#13, Allen Jakovich (I just switched the numbers around)
#1, Jamie Shanahan (Nothing from 1994-1998)
And nothing from 2000 onwards.
2006, #28.

Posted by Supermercado at 01:21 AM | Comments (2)

July 04, 2005

Golly

Did you realise that we've beaten every side in the top 8 except West Coast? I didn't. Won't stand for much if we do nothing in the next 10 weeks.

Posted by Supermercado at 10:30 PM | Comments (0)

June 15, 2005

You're All Winners

Provisionally anyway... Pending a pen/paper contract signing interface,

MELBOURNE captain David Neitz and star forward Adem Yze appear certain to finish their careers with the Demons after they agreed, in principle, to take a pay cut to stay.

Neitz, who had surgery yesterday on a depressed fracture of his cheekbone, will shortly re-sign for two years, while the in-form Yze is close to agreeing to a three-year deal.

In addition, the new management of last year's All-Australian ruckman Jeff White has started contract negotiations with Melbourne.

All three Melbourne best-and-fairest winners are out of contract at the end of the season.

Demons list manager Craig Cameron said yesterday all three had indicated they were prepared to stay at the club, which is rebuilding well off the field in its second year of receiving special financial assistance from the AFL.

The willingness of the players to stay together for less reward is being viewed by the Demons as a sign of solidarity on the eve of one of their most important games of the season, against leaders West Coast at the MCG on Saturday.

No Steven Powell "run for the bank whilst clutching a giant cheque" moments this season then.

Posted by Supermercado at 10:34 AM | Comments (1)

June 07, 2005

PLF on Tour 2005 (Pt. 2)

It's almost confirmed that Every Day Is Like Sunday will be on the ground in Brisbane in a couple of weeks for our clash with the suddenly useless Lions. The only thing pending is getting a ticket, which shouldn't be too hard given the rapid rate at which the people of the Sunshine State are jumping off the bandwagon as their team slides down the ladder.

Everyone else has beaten them there this year so I'll be gutted if we get done over, especially given the amount it's costing me to go there at such short notice. At least this year I'm having my holiday first, and not after so if we lose it won't ruin my entire week there.

Coming closer to the game - a retro repost of my adventures post match last season. Thankfully a night game this time won't lead to me suffering the same fate.

Sadly we won't be in uniform as fears and concerns over international terrorism mean carrying a balaclava, no matter how well concealed, onto a domestic flight is likely to see you end up in Guantanomo Bay. Disappointing. Even more so given that I'm likely to end up sitting with my sworn enemies, the Cheer Squad, again. If they lost the plot with the Unbridled Passion 4th quarter celebration I'd declare war.

Anyone else going? Want to form a faction?

Posted by Supermercado at 10:34 PM | Comments (2)

Good grief

Did you notice? We're second on the ladder. Remarkable. Does this mean that we're the second best side in the competition, are sure to meet the West Coast Eagles on the MCG on that one day in September and will exploit their inability to win over here in order to take the 2005 AFL Premiership? Probably not. But you never know. If it's any consolation I'm less confident about the Eagles being there for the long haul than us, which means there will be no standout side going into the finals.

Think about the last two times we've come close to Premiership glory. In '98 we ran into North, who really should have won the flag, in the Prelim final and got within five goals and in 2000 we had the misfortune of lining up against the side enjoying the most dominant season in the last 20 years. Cameron Bruce late withdrawal for Ben Beams (!), Neitz misses with the first set shot of the game, Brad Green gets gangbanged by the entire Essendon backline, Troy Simmonds gets murdered by Michael Long and you know the rest. Depressing.

But the last 11 rounds will count for NOTHING if we lose to Collingwood on Monday. In the event of that happening - and you know Woewodin will have the traditional "stick it up your old club" 30 possession and 5 goal game - you may as well pull the shutters down now. Later in the week we'll be going back in time and discussing how I spent my 2004 Queens Birthday holiday by losing the plot in the Southern Stand.

This round is crucial. I don't hate Collingwood as much as I'm supposed to - which is probably something to do with everyone I know supporting them and somehow not being complete mutants - but I'm prepared to try given the delicate state of affairs we find ourselves in. Brock McLean MUST return, Nicholson MUST be given the right matchup if we're going to leave Rivers out again, Neitz MUST kick straight, Chris Heffernan MUST be put on the train to Sandringham (platform 10) and Paul Johnson MUST be retained as ruck backup.

I expect the Premiership Liberation Front to be out in full force. I want to see balaclavas all over the ground if we're winning convincingly in the 4th quarter. Now, if only there was a PieBlog to start a meaningless feud and brawl with...

P.S - Good grief could also refer to the fact that I've actually updated in mid-week.

Posted by Supermercado at 10:21 AM | Comments (4)

May 27, 2005

All hail

I've just become