AFL News

May 17, 2008

Adelaide's Finest

So, you thought the AFL Grand Final did it badly? Never thought you'd see anything which would top the abortion they served up in 1999 when a "spaceship" crashed into the MCG and a fake Russian cosmonaut with the worst accent ever got out of it to do a tired catchphrase.

We present the 1990 SANFL Grand Final halftime show. Fast forward to 1.45 for chicken suits, the Birdy dance and the most unenthusiastic and out of time child performers ever.

Then at about 4.45 the tone changes entirely and the marching band starts playing porn music as a cavalcade of scantily clad tarts enter the arena.

Then the crowd does the wave. Anyone who does that at a football match (of any code) should be garotted. All the time while this is going on the marching band are playing "Hey Big Spender" and the woman in the chicken suit attempts a bit of sexy dancing. Then some ten year old kid does - HELLO FEDERAL POLICE? ARE YOU WATCHING?

Then, sensibly, Nine's Wide World of Sports goes to an ad and we're spared. I'm surprised the AFL didn't see this, ring up the Adelaide Crows and tell them that they weren't allowed to join the competition. Actually I'm even more surprised that they didn't steal these ideas for their own Grand Final 'spectaculars'

Posted by Supermercado at 11:49 AM | Comments (0)

September 17, 2007

Football Inquest

I miss footy season already (no, I was not aware there are actually two weeks left in this year's comp. I choose to ignore this fact). Despite the abysmal performance of Melbourne on-field this year, like a masochist I'm looking forward to the utter embarassment that is on show for next year. We've had the delistings (round one of many, one can only hope), and there's a draft to be had somewhere. But first it's trade week, and thankfully we've got a media frenzy on offer to keep things amusing and to ensure the hottest week of trading action ever. Even if nothing happens until 3pm Friday as usual.

CARLTON has the front running to snare Brownlow medallist Chris Judd ahead of almost every other Melbourne club.
The Blues have the money to satisfy Judd's financial demands of about $1 million a year, as well as draft selections and players to offer the Eagles.

They could use Brendan Fevola and Josh Kennedy, a former East Fremantle player, as trade bait.

Geelong and the Western Bulldogs are the only two clubs unlikely to pursue him.

Collingwood, Essendon and Hawthorn have all expressed great interest in Judd, but if a deal isn't struck for Judd to cross to the club of his choice, Richmond would have first crack at him in the pre-season draft where he could cross to the Tigers for free.

Judd told his manager Paul Connors on Thursday, the day before West Coast's loss to Collingwood, that he wanted to return to Melbourne after six seasons with the Eagles.

West Coast chairman Dalton Gooding said last night that he was shocked by the decision.

"I didn't see it coming at all, I did not see it," Gooding said.

"It has certainly stunned everyone.

"Knowing Chris, he is a very deep thinker and someone who has given this a lot of thought.

"My gut feeling would be there would be little hope of changing his mind."

Gooding said the Eagles would now have to negotiate a suitable deal for what he described as the best player to leave a club in 20 years.

Asked what Judd was worth for trade, Gooding replied: "Selections, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17.

Let's face it - whether or not he supported us as a kid is irrelevant. Richard Pratt will lie down on the boardroom table at Princes Park and let Judd teabag him* if it means the kid signs a contract. Carlton have the tradeable picks, the money and the influence to land him - we don't. Without trading away the farm he isn't coming to play for us - especially given the shithouse state of our training facilities. It's about as likely as him being courted by North Melbourne and being taken to see Arden Street only to find out that half of it is burned down and it doesn't actually have a stand on one side.

So there's a nice lineup on offer for the Blues for sure, but good luck trying to fit Judd, Murphy, Gibbs, Kruezer, Stevens and Fevola under the cap in a couple of years. With the amount of Carlton players that will be on the VISY payroll next season* you'd hate to run into their team in the corporate competition.

The only way I can guarantee you that Melbourne will land him is if his groin is completely rooted and he's ready to fall apart. Only we could sign the hottest player of a generation moments before his body completely lost the plot. Besides, is there any danger we could snare a key position player sometime in the next millenium? If Robertson quits, and with Neitz falling apart faster than the Middle East Peace Accords (topical! If we're in 1995) we're likely to score under a hundred for the entire season. I know everyone wants to hump Juice Newton, but he's played ten games and taken mark of the year - let's not stake an entire future on him yet.

Ahh, footy. I loathe it, yet I love it. Tips for the Grand Final? The only thing certain is that the half-time entertainment will be complete gash.

* Denotes comments which are very unlikely to happen, especially if you're a lawyer.

Posted by Supermercado at 07:58 PM | Comments (0)

February 26, 2007

Are We The Real Deal?

by Demonblog's newest recruit - Bartram_Class

As I sat through the agony of Lance Franklin flogging Chopper like a dead horse in the last quarter of the supposed meaningless NAB Cup, it felt like a big case of déjà vu.

2004 – Great start to the year, tailed off and a first round exit in the finals to an Essendon side going downhill faster than Jonathan Hay’s career.

2005 – Great start to the year, tailed off before scraping into the finals before getting flogged by the Cats, who we had beat in that 1 point thriller a few weeks earlier.

2006 – Great start to the year, tailed off before beating a St. Kilda side that was running on extras in the Elim. Final. Went to Perth and soundly beaten by the purplepuffs.

Now some would say that timeline shows improvement. Now I’d love to think of myself as an optimist, but surely you would have to have Lawrence Angwin on speed dial to be happy with our results in previous years with the list at our disposal.

However, as 2007 came upon us, we were flooded with forecasts of a Demon resurgence in ’07. Daniher was pumping us up like only he can, the boys were cutting it up on the track and everything seemed rosy. Now call me a pessimistic fan, most of us are, but there were so many gaps in our performance against the Hawks that you can’t be confident about our chances this year. Forget we were missing the best player, the best kick and the fastest player in the competition. Its other areas that are of more worry. Namely the ruck, White is 30 and has never been the same since the centre circle rule came in, the Russian is big and can win a tap but that is about it, once the ball hits the deck, hes as useful as tits on a bull. Paul Johnson is a 200cm giant that plays like Tony Liberatore in his prime. All credit to him but he needs a shitload of work before he becomes a decent ruck prospect. Merge them together and we’d be unstoppable, sadly we can’t afford to have one of them in the ruck at the moment, let alone both.

Of course it was only the first round of the NAB Cup and Hawthorn had almost their best side out on the park. However, we had three quarters of ours out there also and we failed to beat a team most expect to be down near the bottom for the 4th successive year. Go figure.

I am not ready to throw in the towel yet for Season ’07, not by a long shot, but to think we are going to march into the top 4 and stay there would be profoundly inaccurate. Never forget, we do support the Melbourne Football Club, capable of anything on a given day.

Posted by Supermercado at 08:00 PM | Comments (1)

October 11, 2006

What a (dull) week it's been in football

The AFL Trade Tracker. Officially the most underused and pointless application on the internet. As per usual precisely fukal is going to happen until 30 minutes before the deadline when half the league will try to be traded and half of them won't be because the fax machine ran out of paper or something.

Biggest shambles of a week ever. How about just opening it as a free-for-all from the day after the Grand Final for the next month? Doesn't help that Melbourne are completely out of the loop when it comes to hot rumor and gossip - we were linked to Shannon Watt in a farcical, and fictional, trade, are trying to flog Wheatley and Ferguson (again) and there's some suggestion Daniel Bell might go back to Adelaide. Other than that? Boring. A hand then for the sick freaks who are sitting at their computers all week dying for something to happen.

But when it comes to the AFL website don't believe anything they tell you anyway. See, for instance, how Brad Scott has aged overnight;

At least this year there's no repeat of being woken up at 5am in England by SMS'es saying we'd signed Byron Pickett. I thought it was a practical joke.

Posted by Supermercado at 12:41 PM | Comments (0)

November 23, 2005

Fat Porky

Suddenly Ben Holland doesn't look too bad does he?

MAGINE embarking on an up-tempo training session with elite athletes having done little more than watch life go by for a couple of months.

Then imagine the task with two and a half house bricks draped around your neck. Basically, that's what Lance Whitnall has done on return to Carlton for pre-season training - and not for the first time.

Even allowing for the possibility Lance has the metabolism of a hibernating bear, there is no excuse for him returning to training 8kg above his ideal playing weight.

Whitnall, preparing for his 10th season, should be embarrassed on at least three fronts.

First, returning to training as if he were pushing for the role of anchor man in a tug-of-war team is a recurring problem. Has been since he was a teenager.

Second, he recently re-signed with the Blues on an estimated $400,000 a year - having played on more this year.

Third, he would not have dared turn up 8kg overweight had Melbourne successfully negotiated his release from Optus Oval a month ago.

Carlton coach Denis Pagan would not discuss the matter yesterday for the second day in a row, saying only "we will address it internally," yet he must be fuming.

Not only is Whitnall a senior member of the squad, the group is crying out for leadership.

Thanks for holding on to him Carlton. How absolutely wonderful of you.

Posted by Supermercado at 09:01 AM | Comments (0)

July 20, 2005

Off the Gear

While this may be farcical if you look at it in the bigger picture, it may pay off for the MFC.

An AFL player who tests positive to marijuana will face bans of up to a year for a first offence from November after the AFL was forced to abandon its own drug code yesterday.

In an embarrassing backdown, the AFL succumbed to intense pressure from the Federal Government and agreed to comply with the hardline stance laid out by the World Anti-Doping Agency, which demands the public naming of all offenders and harsh penalties in the case of recreational drug use.

The AFL policy emphasises counselling and confidentiality for initial positive tests for illicit drugs, such as cannabis.

Under the threat of losing federal funding for all levels of the game if it did not comply with the WADA code, and conscious of the negative perception that was growing around its stance, AFL chief executive Andrew Demetriou yesterday informed federal Sports Minister Rod Kemp of the league's intention to comply with the WADA code by November 1.

Certain people. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. Will have to put away the bong and concentrate on football instead. If our performances in the last month are anything to go by they need to change dealers anyway...

Posted by Supermercado at 01:33 PM | Comments (1)

May 24, 2005

Predictable

Why is that every time we played Footscray, and now Richmond, the papers are forced to do a "two Nathan Browns" story.

NATHAN Brown will walk away a winner whatever the outcome of Friday night's clash between Melbourne and Richmond at Telstra Dome.

But which one – the flashy Tiger version, an early Brownlow Medal fancy, or Nathan D. Brown, his reliable, more consistent Demons counterpart?

Melbourne's Brown had 22 disposals in the Demons' solid victory over Carlton at Optus Oval on Saturday, while his Tigers' namesake kicked the winning goal against Brisbane at the Gabba later that night.

While the Tigers have surprised everyone to sit in third place on the ladder, the Demons are directly below them and waiting to pounce.

Now that's what I call lazy journalism. Write the story after one of them kicks 8 goals on Friday night. Have a guess which one...

P.S - Punters, don't forget our wonderful competition. Given that there are 0 entrants so far you're every possible chance!

Posted by Supermercado at 12:43 PM | Comments (2)

April 13, 2005

I concur

Who's comparing? Shoot them.

Melbourne coach Neale Daniher says it is far too early to compare his 2005 ladder leading team with the Demons' 2000 grand final team.

The Demons are one of just three unbeaten teams after the first three rounds of this season but such has been their early dominance they have already opened up a 30 percent gap at the top of the ladder.

And after thrashing one of last year's preliminary finalists in Geelong last week, the Demons get their chance to take on another of last year's big four this week in St Kilda.

What a farcical suggestion. Clearly this year's side shits ALL over the one that lined up, and was porked by, Essendon on that fateful day.

The survivors
Brad Green, Russell Robertson, Jeff White <-- older, wiser and significantly better.
Travis Johnstone <-- peaked in 2002, still threatening to run wild
David Neitz, Adem Yze <-- still killing it after all these years
Guy Rigoni <-- coming towards the end but has somehow managed to end up back in the side playing well.

The changes
Ben Beams OUT, Cameron Bruce IN
Matthew Collins OUT, Jared Rivers IN
Jeff Farmer OUT, Aaron Davey IN
Steve Febey OUT, Matthew Whelan IN
Brent Grgic OUT, Colin Sylvia IN
Anthony Ingerson OUT, Ryan Ferguson IN
Andrew Leoncelli OUT, Brock McLean IN
Anthony McDonald OUT, James McDonald IN
Stephen Powell OUT, Brent Moloney IN
David Schwarz OUT, Brad Miller IN
Troy Simmonds OUT, Mark Jamar IN
Peter Walsh OUT, Clint Bizzell IN
Alistair Nicholson OUT, Daniel Bell IN
Daniel Ward OUT, Nathan Brown IN
Shane Woewodin OUT, whoever I've left off this list IN

Infinitely better. INFINITE. Some of those are obviously more important than others, and I'd kill to have Anthony Ingerson and Anthony McDonald back (and Matthew Collins was a hero) but you can't tell me you'd rather have Beams than Bruce.

Posted by Supermercado at 11:16 PM | Comments (0)

March 16, 2005

Mot-lost?

Motlop is in. Pending the approval of some second rate pub team...

MELBOURNE has struck a snag in its bid to add Kangaroos premiership player Shannon Motlop to its list as a replacement for tsunami victim Troy Broadbridge.

Motlop is believed to have signed with the Demons at the weekend, when recruiting manager Craig Cameron went to Darwin to watch him play.

But North Adelaide is incensed it has not been consulted over a possible release for Motlop, who is contracted to the Roosters for the 2005 season.

North Adelaide chief executive Glenn Elliott said last night he had heard on the "grapevine from Darwin" that Motlop had signed with the Demons.

"We've heard they've got Shannon to sign some papers," said Elliott, a former St Kilda and Melbourne player.

"It will be welcome to the real world for Melbourne; he is a currently contracted player and they've been aware of that all the way along the road.

"We'd have thought that, given the professionalism of football, this may well have been handled in a far more forthright and upfront manner."

Give them a slab of VB, free tickets to our away game against Port and a free Quarter Pounder voucher from Glenelg McDonalds and piss them off. Welcome Shannon Motlop!

Posted by Supermercado at 08:40 AM | Comments (0)

March 14, 2005

World class

Exciting scenes at yesterday's AFL Multicultural Cup. The program listed a #7 for Croatia as being "Brent Grgic". Now he had the name, and he played like the original but he didn't look anything like him. I was disappointed.

For the record Greece, featuring ex-Fitzroy/Richmond player John Rombotis beat ex-Bulldog Sedat Sir's Turkey side in football's oldest grudge match to win the competition.

Posted by Supermercado at 11:22 AM | Comments (0)

March 09, 2005

That was unexpected...

Suddenly a new contender emerges. Family connections! Premiership player! Get excited? Maybe.

Melbourne coach Neale Daniher has confirmed that 1999 Kangaroos premiership player Shannon Motlop is in contention to be the club's replacement player for Troy Broadbridge, who tragically died during the December Indian Ocean tsunami disaster.

Motlop, 26, who played 54 matches for the Kangaroos from 1999-03, has since been playing for North Adelaide in the SANFL and has also played football in his native Northern Territory over the summer.

Sign him up. The alternatives are too distressing to consider,

Along with Motlop, Daniher confirmed former AFL-listed players Kris Barlow, Adrian Cox and Justin Blumfield were still in contention to replace Broadbridge.

Interestingly, Daniher didn't entirely rule out Barlow, who has since stated his intentions to remain with Vermont in the Eastern Football League in Victoria, after he was delisted by Hawthorn at the end of the 2004 season.

"Either myself or (Melbourne recruiting and list manager) Craig Cameron will have a chat with him today, but it is well documented that Kris is coming on 32 with a young family and we respect his decision, if he decides that AFL is probably not a live option for him at the moment - we respect that," Daniher said.

Vermont indeed. If the place was good enough for Andrew Lamprill it's good enough for Kris Barlow. Leave him there.

I hear Allen Jakovich is still without a club for the new season...

Posted by Supermercado at 01:53 PM | Comments (0)

March 08, 2005

Know thy enemy...

... because we're just making it up as we go along. Ladies and gentlemen, the official Every Day Is Like Sunday predicted AFL 2005 Premiership Season ladder. Last year I got both the Premiers and wooden spooners right AND picked Collingwood to be complete rubbish. Sadly I didn't actually write it down anywhere to prove it so feel free to question such outrageous claims.

1 - Port Adelaide
It's all about dynasties. I don't expect any team to win less than two in a row for the next few years. If I see Peter Walsh lifting the AFL Premiership trophy I will simultaneously be happy for him and shed a silent tear at the same time. You can't pick against them to win it again. Maybe they'll go back to choking in the finals again?

2 - West Coast
Biiiiiiig improvers. Mind you I've said this for three years. This time I'm tipping them all the way into a Grand Final before the inevitable poleaxing defeat in front of a mild MCG crowd.

3 - St. Kilda
If Fraser Gehrig is allowed to kick another hundred goals I'm going to start watching D Grade amateurs instead of the AFL. In my completely uneducated and sub-Mike Sheahan opinion they're every possible chance of winning it next year after going close in '05.

4 - Brisbane
On the way out. Four years ago they were cute, cuddly and we all secretly wanted them to succeed. Now we hope they crash and burn. Stand up if you love the tall-poppy syndrome. Remember when we beat them by 98 points at the MCG in 1998 and Jeff White took a fairly average "screamer" that Kevin Bartlett attempted to force "Mark of the Year" on? Didn't you just throw things at the TV when that came on the replay? I did.

5 - Geelong
Came within one decent quarter of rolling Brisbane in the prelim final last year. I don't quite see Brad Ottens as the solution to all that is wrong in the Greater City of Geelong but he can't hurt. There or thereabouts. Which is what you say when you've got no idea.

6 - Melbourne
Let's be entirely honest here - why would anyone think we're a Premiership threat? Our forward line is on and off like a tap, and the backline is dubious at best. When the midfield inevitably start dropping like flies we're in trouble. Prove me wrong! When we win a Premiership this post will be altered so take a screenshot now.

7 - Fremantle
Awful Jeff Farmer Wizard Cup ads notwithstanding I quite like the Dockers. If Chris Connolly can't get them into the 8 this year he should not only have his contract extension torn up but he should be burnt on a stake in the middle of Subiaco during the Eagles first finals match.

8 - Sydney
I find it hard to hate Sydney. They've got such a jaunty theme song and all sorts of old people seem to love them. Then I remember their pivotal role as AFL lovechilds and wish for a return to the days of the early 90's when they'd play in front of 10000 people and lose every week. Except when they beat us by 8 goals after losing 30 in a row. Bastards. Meanwhile I still haven't forgiven Barry Hall for his attempted murder of a Febey brother during the 1998 finals series.

9 - Essendon
We've all been waiting years to write them off. I'm not sure if 9th = off but I'm going with it anyway. One of these days Sheedy will finally throw off the last few shackles of sanity and go completely mad, and I'm predicting it'll come by Round 10. Anyone who thinks Hird will go a full 22 rounds without doing himself in at least once is deluding themselves. Bombers fans (as if you'd be reading this anyway..) Justin Murphy can't save you this time. Look what happened to the lot who rolled us in the first round last year. If you don't know which side I'm referring to please scroll down - a lot.

10 - Carlton
I'm dubious on this one. Theoretically they could turn around and make the 8 or they could be pulling off a giant tease and be completely mediocre. Either way it's a step up. If they're lucky they'll confine their 100+ point losses to a grand total of 0 this season. I'm scared of Lance Whitnall - he reminds me, in a good way, of King Kong on the loose.

11 - North Melbourne
Yawn. Wake me up in another two decades when they're either very good or comically bad. Who actually plays for them?

12 - Richmond
Better. But that's not saying much. As much as I like Terry Wallace I'd be mildly amused if his supposedly club-saving reign is a complete failure. Especially given the length of contract they handed him - try paying that out. Richo is predicted to have an average of at least 0.7 tantrums a game across the season.

13 - Footscray
They might be good next year. Or they might be complete balls. How should I know? Is this "View From The West - The Footscray FC blog"? In a completely spiteless way my interest in their club is even less than I have in North. They're just... inoffensive.

14 - Collingwood
A list so paper-thin it's a wonder they aren't still sponsored by Spicers. If it wasn't for him you wouldn't even know they were in the competition. Thousands of children around Australia are predicted to develop lifelong emotional traumas after seeing footage of their fans celebrating a rare win as if it were a Premiership. Interesting fact - Leon Davis has played in two Grand Finals!

15 - Adelaide
Only home ground advantage can save them from their inaugural spoon. Was it that many years ago that Malcolm Blight was making shit up as he went along (Trent Ormond-Allen in the ruck! Shane Ellen as a forward!) and somehow winning two Premierships in the process? Actually it was. Now they're rubbish. The only thing more hillarious than their inept performances will be the name Graham Johncock.

16 - Hawthorn
They tried their hardest to crack it for 16th last year but found Richmond to be a marginally shitter side. This time I predict they will achieve their aim. Whether or not they draft the best player in the land with #1 or trade it for a 1987 Mitsubishi Magna is yet to be seen.

Posted by Supermercado at 07:01 PM | Comments (0)